Public Issues and Private Troubles

Something for the weekend Sir?

2011-01-17T02:10:00.000-08:00

I've just had quite a nice weekend. I say "quite" because mainly, my life seems to be led at such a pace these days having scarcely time to draw breath.

When I first retired back in April last year, I had some vision in my head of endless empty days stretching out before me and that I would be doing exactly what I wanted with each individual hour that passed. Clearly this was a silly idea and actually, most of the time I'm dashing around doing the very stuff I neglected to do all for 50 years.

Things like cook properly, engage is rudimentary DIY, clean, wash, keep house, become my Mother!

Anyway Saturday found Steen and I at the radio station. Our show goes out on alternate weekends between 2 and 4. It's a mixture of footy, really good tunes and silly banter. A lot of people who listen say they enjoy it very much. Steen does news and views, I do the tunes mostly.

What I like to aim for is a template upon which the listener would always be a little surprised by the next offering. We don't stick to a musical genre and play (I think) some real interesting music for the discerning soul.

Having said that, both Justin Bieber and Jedward made a short appearance on Saturday. This, mainly because (as I said) we like to surprise and both eenie meenie miney mo lover and fight for your right to party are both (in my opinion) what my kids like to call "tunes"

Setting mainstream Pop against stuff like this just floats my boat and, I hope, others too.

Plus you get serious football banter. Can't be bad can it?

Sunday was Steen's birthday. She being a person whose celebrations tend towards an extension over the normal 24 hours with the weekend full of echos and re-inforcements of the important event.

Next year it will be critical for me to remember January 2012 contains a "significant" birthday for Steen and hence, celebrations are likely to last not just for the weekend, but rather over the full week.

As a result of this tendency I've taken to calling her Princess Lady Princess.

It was a nice weekend anyway and, to cap it all, we've nearly mastered this song.

That'll knock their socks off at Minch. (of which more later I think)

JVIP

Bless me Father....etc

2011-01-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

It's been a while I know. Steen and I have been busy. Christmas, New Year, families and a secret desire by me to be writing this without the knowledge of anyone around me.

I went for my "consultation" on the 30th Dec. A very pleasent and overwhelmingly competent nurse told me what I should expect at the end of Jan.

I'm going for one of these. This to check whether I'm ok inside.

I'm in a quandary about what to write about today because so much has happened. Over the break I did wonder whether I should rename this column "Tales from the Supermarket" but, common sense says I should keep the thing open and talk about whatever I feel is relevant on the day.

So today, I'm going to talk about three things briefly. Music and Football and Christmas good news.

Music

Steen and I have played about six or seven times publicly since I last posted. Varying audiences from 2 or 3 to about 850. All our performances have been acceptable and could be very much better (as ever)

Steen grows as a guitarist by every day. She practises so hard. Her Atkin is paying huge dividends in terms of the depth of tone and playability it affords her. My old skip is as fast as ever and someone told me I reminded them of Wilco Johnson.

What a compliment!

Football

Unlike (it seems) most other Liverpool supporters, I'm really sad the Board have decided to give up on Roy Hodgson. It's a tough world for any Premiership Manager.

Increasingly, it seems, our media set out to run the world for us.

I do believe (to some extent) the success or failure of managers in a Premiership Football Club is a bit of a lottery. Trouble is, Roy's brand of cognitive repetition stands in the way of some players being able to express themselves fully. Coupled with faint hearts among the playing staff, a breakdown in motivation and you have a recipe for disaster. Someone said to me the other day the corporate structure of LFC is chaotic and borders on the farcical sometimes.

The big risk ,of course, is that King Kenny comes in and it still remains a shitty mess.

Then, and only then will any real changes be made.

Christmas Treats

I met Thumper in Reading over the Christmas. She was back in England from Tarifa. She has worked so hard to come to terms with a brighter reality of my betrayal of her.

That, given everything, it was probably for the best all round, that we moved apart.

So much so, btw, that her Christmas present to me this year is a week in her flat in Spain with Steen. I was taken aback by the her generosity of spirit. She is indeed a total dude of a woman. Amazing!

So...Steen and I are off to Spain in early May, Colon permitting.

In addition to this story of happiness I should say I have wonderful neighbours down the road. They are called Ray and Muriel. They are both about 85. Ray lost his leg in a motorcycle accident at 17. The other day I found him changing the rear brake cylinder on one of these. He's quite a guy.

Anyway, come Christmas Eve, Ray drops round to the door and leaves me with a little package. A grubby old jiffy bag with writing and working-out all over it. He left me with the parting shot of

"just some old bits and pieces I knocked together for you"

Turns out, Ray's Made us a little clock with our Band Logo on it. (see above)

Understandably, I was blown away.

Happy New Year

JVIP

Little by Little

2010-12-21T05:24:00.000-08:00

Over the last few weeks I've become aware so-called "flash mob" events are becoming common currency across the world.

Take last week, I watching a programme on BBC4 involved in trying to re-popularise Clog Dancing of all things.

This then, closely followed by an email from my friend Chris who sent me another example.

More locally in Stroud, I was talking to my mate Fred who said something had been tried in "Merrywalks" but there were already carol singers present and the event was somewhat curtailed.

Anyway, the thing I wanted to say about it is in my observation as these events start, a lone voice, or person begins the event. On-lookers glance over their shoulder and have somewhat resigned expressions on their faces. The look says "some nutter is at it"

However, as the event grows into a steady stream of activity, the voices grow louder, the feet more strident, suddenly all the people who looked at the "fool" are looking a little foolish themselves and reaching for their mobile phone cameras to record the event.

Then, as if it never happened, the performers melt into the crowd.

This is how revolution begins. A few discordant voices, irregular foot tapping. Then, the thing becomes unstoppable.

Let's see more of this. Power to the people!

JVIP

Care in the Community

2010-12-09T02:10:00.000-08:00

My Aunty is in Hospital. She's 84 and after many years of gradually fading, riddled with Dementia, her memory falling apart, she spends her day fretting, worrying and repeating the following mantra to herself.

"A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity and gifted with an egotistical imagination that can at all times command an interminable and inconsistent series of arguments to malign an opponent and to glorify himself"

After repeating this quote from Disrali to me at least 15 times yesterday she then says hopefully, "I must be ok if I can say that properly?"

I look at her and agree, "you're ok for now"

She says tearfully "I want to go home, please tell them to let me go home"

I say (rather lamely) they'll decide what's for the best.

I dread the upcoming Case Conference to which she, of course, will be invited, where I will have to say, "I think she needs full time care and the idea she can cope at home (with support from Social Services) is plainly wrong-headed and too much of a risk"

I fear Dave's Big Society will condemn her to such a fate, however. Full-time care being reserved for only the completely crazy and utterly demented.

Pray God my endings will be somehow better

JVIP

Working Class Hero

2010-12-08T04:17:00.000-08:00

Is a song by John Lennon. A man who was murdered 30 years ago today.

I don't propose to go on and on about how great this guy was but.....

I grew up in a small country village just outside the roman town of Bath. Or Bath Spa as they've always called it on the railways.

Trust me on this one, in 1950's rural England. there was precious little rock and roll around, despite what you might have heard.

The stories (for example) of Mick and Keith meeting each other at a railway station in Sidcup are all well and good.

But, for a boy brought up on Stanford in C , Music while you Work, and (thankfully) the Shadows, guitars, saxophone and double bass were but a distant drumming in the distance. Not an overwhelming presence.

Back then, my Mum and Dad used to visit my Gran on a Saturday, a short journey to Frome, tea, a bit of telly and home by nine.

I had a Saturday evening paper round so this precluded me going along on the trip.

Saturday evenings, therefore, were my own. How very fantastic!

Living in a valley meant we didn't have television at all. The signal was poor.

Entertainment, therefore, for a 12 year old boy (left alone to look after the house, make and tend a fire (goodness) prepare his own tea, do the washing-up after and generally cope) was restricted to radio broadcasts.

One November evening in 1962, some 6 weeks prior to the big freeze, I was sat tending the coal fire in our dining room, listening to Radio Luxembourg on the home set and heard Barry Aldis play this song.

Apparently, McCartney wrote the main verses and the bridge was by Lennon. A simple juxtaposition of G7 and C, the song is characterised by piercing harmonica-the part most powerful to a young and impressionable lad.

The rest is history but, just to say, Mr Lennon defined my adolescence like no other.

His music, his acerbic ways, his manliness, his Mojo if you like.

Crazy Bastard. I love him!

JVIP

Tomorrow belongs to me

2010-12-07T03:32:00.000-08:00

Is a song put to great use in this film.

I've always had a searing aversion to posh boys. Forged, I think, back in the 50's when my Mum and Dad used to send me to Crusaders. A Sunday School organisation with links to public schools, helping the deserving poor and exhorting the great and the good to be philanthropic.

Broadly working-class in my upbringing, I think my parents thought that by enabling me to mix with a wide and diverse range of different people my future would be assured.

I think they were right in this and, thankfully, this early exposure to my betters left me with a life-long political hatred towards privilege and a leaning towards supporting others in common community spirit, a tendency towards self-help and an abhorrence of the political philosophy "tomorrow belongs to me"

Recently, I've been watching a series on BBC4 in which reprocessed black and white film has been used to show what England was like between 1900 and the end of the second world war in 1945.

Interestingly, nothing really changes. For example, within a year of the end of the war to end all wars where over 9 million ordinary people were slaughtered, the elite (as ever) were having a lovely day out at Ascot

Today, in much the same way (in a move that beggars belief) we see greedy posh boys off-loading private debt into the meagre public purse of poor people.

What a bloody scandal it all is.

And yesterday evening, whilst in Sainsbury's, I was queueing for a few items to make a pasta for Steen and I. The guy behind me in the queue looked a bit like this. He was holding quite a nice bottle of wine.

Someone at the front of the queue dropped a bottle in the lane. Glass and sticky liquid flowed everywhere. Cue Sainsbury's Hand S team. Mops, buckets, signs and an order from the cashier to "please move to lane one"

Posh boy knew his moment had come. He was off at a posh-boy double canter, no doubt learnt from many posh-boy races at posh-boy school.

First in line, head of the queue, Chateauneuf du Pape safely into the Bag For Life. Off into the car park, Toyota Land Cruiser fired up and back to the hills.

"Tomorrow belongs to me" in his head.

Dont'cha just love it ?

JVIP

Baby, it's cold outside!

2010-12-03T05:55:00.000-08:00

Is a song about love I guess.

My days have a degree of routine about them these days.

I get up around 8ish as Steen goes off on the 8:15 to Gloucester. Today the airwaves are full of the news of a failed World-Cup bid.

I feel emotionally removed from it. Why would you want to have anything at all to do with such filthy corruption? And I'm a LFC supporter ffs!

The house is cold in winter.

We decided, Steen and I, we would try to live without central heating. This decision has not always been easy to stick with. Particularly over the last few weeks, where the Cotswold's have experienced sub-zero temperatures for most of the time.

Last winter there was one memorably bad moment (at 6.45 one cold Monday morning) where Steen realised a lot of her clothes were beginning to go mouldy because of the condensation and damp. We borrowed an ancient dehumidifier off her dad to fix the problem!

Not before there were tears however. And Steen was quite upset too.

I'm at home a lot now and my armory against the creeping tentacles of cold has increased.

Primarily the age old recourse to (a favorite of mine) Lidl's, has led me to investing in Angora Thermal Underwear and, what Steen calls, my bear suit.

A woollen Gilet made by the company Meradiso in a fetching dark brown.

There's other stuff too.

The wood-burning stove, the roof insulation, the triple glazing the eco fans, a cheerful heart and effective "keep going" statements.

Normally, the wood-burner goes on about 7 ish and, throughout the day, I wrap up warm.

Today sees me typing in Steptoe sty lee open-fingered gloves for example.

When people come to the house they are shocked by a background temperature of about 10 degrees C.

The opposite is true for me when I go to visit others.

In particular, my Mother (84) who is probably this company's greatest customer and runs her entire property at a searing and sub-tropical 26.

Tonight, Steen and myself are going off busking here. We'll collect money for our little radio station.

Tomorrow we're doing a short set here for Charity after the Saturday Radio Show and Sunday, a day to watch footie probably and (thank God for Love Film) this movie.

Talk Soon

JVIP

Little Wood Guitar

2010-12-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

Is, if you followed my last post, a song by the American Country Band, Sugarland.

(The guitar in the picture btw belongs to Willi Nelson-but you knew that huh?)

Pip..... henceforth known here as "Steen" is my partner now.

We live together in Stroud very happily.

We first got together in the ferment and froth of new love, new experiences and a new life together.

3 years on and I would submit to you we are as joyous now, as when we met. I love her so. We are as one.

Driving away from Reading, my old life and my ex-partner on that first day in 2008 was the right decision for everyone, not least myself. At the time it felt so so scary.

I'm relieved now to say mostly, respective ex-partners, our children and families have accepted Steen and I are a proper love match and understand well why we share our lives together.

Not least (in my book) because we create and play music together.

From such small beginnings we play regular gigs in a style of our own but informed by the Everly Brothers, Hank Williams, Johnny Cash and John Prine. We practise at least one hour a day.

We call ourselves The Peeky Blinders.

Last April, Steen sold her car. We only need one now.

The proceeds went into her savings and....... about 4 weeks ago she bought one of these to supliment the Ovation she bought when we first met.

I'm so glad I picked up a guitar when I was about 20. Alongside my Mum, its been a constant presence.

Something upon which, you can rely.

Before I met Steen, I never had the confidence to think I could be an artist, despite both my children being in successful bands.

What wonderful luck that at 60, I'm having a right time, playing all over, busking, learning new things and rockin' with others in (quite) groovy settings.

An appointment with a Consultant regarding my "samples" is due on December 30th.

I'll keep you posted.

JVIP

Guildford

2010-11-30T03:20:00.000-08:00

Hello!

I'm back. It is the JVIP.

My last post was exactly three years ago today. I was in Spain at the time. Tarifa, to be exact. Trying to sort my head out. Trying to think, trying to find a pathway, trying to move forward. Looking for a life. Looking for all the world to make things better.

Like this song has it, so much has changed since then.

I live with Pip now.

31 short days after my last post, I moved my life to Stroud in Gloucester.

On January 1st 2008, I drove along the M4 corridor from my home in Reading telling myself "you MUST become a lovable person, you MUST make this work"

And so far, it really has...........worked that is.

I'm loving my life with Pip so much and have the time now to talk properly about the stuff that makes up my days.

Like yesterday for example, I received a letter from Guildford. A letter telling me the samples I sent back to the Bowel Cancer Screening Service showed abnormalities and that I must report to a local hospital for further tests. I'm 60. They target you at that age.

I'm going to talk about my journey henceforth and post the results on here.

Follow me along the way?

JVIP

I am the music man

2007-11-30T03:56:00.000-08:00

Is a terrible song I used to sing years ago when I was a military man. It goes like this. I can almost guarantee my lover, the Pipster, will actually like this tune and has probably sung it on many occasions when she´s doing this.

Dear God....who am I tied up with ?

Anyway Yes, I´ve been the Music Man this week. Playing it, copying it, listening to it and generally thinking whilst its on. I´ve delivered vivid interest and awareness raising for friends, love and laughter, all though the power of the tunes and the music.

Lots of musicians crop up on my lists of compilations to make. And one song seems to have dominated this week. Can´t really say why but Its a lovely´tune.

Other songs I´ve listened and played this week includes this, this and (importantly for Pip) this.

Also, this this and this are things I´ve had going on in my head

Love to everyone in my life and before you finish........listen to this because these girls will be something one day. The wrods, incidently, are here.

JVIP

I´m an Alien

2007-11-29T03:15:00.000-08:00

Is a song by this man. I haven´t liked Sting much tbh, ever since I saw him on this show, dissing his Mother and saying "I´ve yet to forgive her for the way she treated me"

Bless him ! It must be bloody hard being a millionaire and having so much angst to deal with. Rubbishing you Mum on National Telly is pretty rocking huh ?

Anyway, I am an Alien at the moment. Transplanted on my own in a small town halfway across Europe and only 30 minutes away from the Continent housing this particular disaster.

Time to think more today and heres to my strong belief I´m on the way to working out what I need to do in order for me to retain security, sanity and selfhood.

Its funny being on your own in a town where you only know a few people casually. I´m begining to find I like my space. Some time to myself. The ablity to make straight-foward choices with how one´s time is spent. These things are quite new to me. Mostly, I think I have felt very driven by life recently. So hard to just stop. It´s me who is the arcitect of this silliness but nonetheless, its so good to just rest and think.

I speak to my love on the phone and she sounds downtrodden by a nasty cold and hard work; me being so far away probably doesn´t help her very much. But I am enjoying being here. I miss her very much.

I speak to T on the phone and find her stilted, distant and resentful. No surprises really. I have done her a grave injury.

Last night, I had the best meal I´ve had in a long time. D made Fresh Fish in a terrific seafood sauce, Spinach, Asparagus, Potato and Carrots.....all in about 45 minutes, the vegitables cooked to perfection.

D is a growly and strong Portuguese man with a practical abilty to make creative things quickly.

D is not a completer-finisher and his partner, T´s daughter, needs to be his tick-box person: helping him get big jobs done. This sometimes leads to conflict and snippyness. Particularly as D is a bit Bi-Polar. From an observer´s perspective, they both need to work this out if they are to progress in their relationship and make it work. I´m a fine one to talk, however.

They are both special people. At their home on the hill, the general flavour of the place reminds you of this. There are animals everywhere. 6 dogs, some cats, pigs, chickens and goats. Its a sweet place to be and a bit chaotic.

The place where I´m living is a bit like this. It´s afforded me some much needed rest and a proper sense of peace for the first time in many months. Part of me thinks, I could make a life down here. This despite the obvious notion I´m an outsider, a cause celeb, someone to be talked about. The abilty to just have the day I want for myself is such a luxury and not to be sniffed at.

Soon I´ll be facing the meat grinder of real -life again.

3 more days to get my head complete.

JVIP

Get Rhythm

2007-11-27T04:36:00.000-08:00

Is by Johnny Cash and a song I really like. No explanations or excuses about why I havn´t been here. Just lets just say I´ve had a time.

But last night I got Rhythm by playing lots of songs at a supper party. People joined in and (I think) liked it.

I´m in Spain again, on my own. I feel more settled here in a way and am being myself mostly. Thats really nice. I miss my love is England. And I love the peace to calm my head out here. I feel stronger. I could stay for a bit. I think its doing me good.

JVIP

Long time gone

2007-10-10T02:52:00.000-07:00

is a song by this band. And very good it is too. Long time gone is also a song by this lot. Additionally, there is this too. By common consent then, this harmonious trio are to be blessed in this world where life is both hard and time-limited.

Since we last talked I have done the following things

been kind to everyone (mostly)

The dissonance of my current situation, scitz in its concept, means a divergence of styles has become necessary in order to meet the desired qualities looked-for in this particular job. It is also required totally to keep me mentally healthy. I am growing a developing capacity to be "on" most all the time.

This has been achieved by some sort of magic The creator of "Witch" is my new love

I've come to think now, where there is harmony, there is created harmonious music. When there is dissonance you tend to get this.

A problem in my life is I find it difficult to decide which I like the most.

Pip makes it possible to play both of course. And this means we are getting creative together.

Her understanding and general brilliance mean we are doing this in front of a thousand people at Christmas here.

We're also doing the winter song too. But in the style of this.

Heaven help us.......but you're a long time gone.

JVIP

Let the music play

2007-09-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

Is a song for this type of activity. And making love of course.

My pal wants a list of music to play on an IPod. Me being a musical type of bear leaves a message to say this is a song that inspires me to get the most rock and roll out of Pip I possibly can.

this this and importantly, this are all in the mix.

Then learn about this. And download a couple of tunes.

then

this, this and this will have to be in there somewhere.

as do this this and this

That's a good start for any student of Rock and Roll.

Love to all the believers in me. And you Pip....your belief in me is wonderful right now.

You're a dream come true.

JVIP

cheerio cheerio cheerio

2007-09-22T02:27:00.000-07:00

Is a song by this lot.

Of course the press is dominated by this story today. My own personal view is Jose is good for English football. And, I'm almost sure he will be back next season.

On hearing the news, Sir Alex Ferguson must have been ...er....reasonably happy? Probably more than that TBH.

Arsene Wenger, on the other hand (because Arsenal is up it's ass) may have said something more Gaelic. Please Ash..... Forgive me for saying such a thing but a man has to have his preferences. And "the arse" just....are.....up themselves.

Then there's Reading. A 2.1 cliff-hanger of a game we were very lucky and happy to win. We play this lot in the Carling Cup in the week. Maybe....just maybe......because Benitez is wobbling.

Pip's lot had a disaster at Charlton. Very sad. MM will be hot on the heels of Mr Megson. The man demands success.

Today I've been at home. It's been a challenging day. And I've kept smiling and kept being who I hope I am.

Saw a TV programme last night about this lot. In this Bear's view, one of the greatest bands the UK has ever produced. And it was in the 80's !.....or maybe because of the 80's for goodness sake.

I've been having a time so far let me tell you. My little words don't express very well the ups and downs of it. I do love the Pipster more and more and more I can report.

And what I'm trying to do in my life at the moment, therefore, is to make it possible for Thumper and I to say this to what we once had.

And both move forward in peace and happiness

JVIP

This Sporting Life is killing me

2007-09-19T03:18:00.000-07:00

......is a song by this very very wonderful man. Gonna do this song.....it has to be.

Its been a beat up week. Thumper in collapse. Pip, wonderful as ever. Understanding and cool. Underneath...probably quite shaky for one reason and another.

The good news is that this happened. Pip follows this lot for some reason. They are now being held up as ethical champions. Shome mishtake here surely ?

I'm seeing Pip late tonight. Its been nearly a week of extreme stress for all concerned in this management of continuity and change

Work this afternoon and lots to think about there too.

Love to all the wonderful sporting people in my life. Keep the faith everyone.

JVIP

I'm back in town

2007-09-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

Is a song by this lady.

The world is full of troubles as usual. Looking here and, at the paper, this morning, I shrink from the stuff I read. It's nearly all bad news.

However, searching for light and shade in a bears' life means I do look for joy in small things.

Thumper's back from Spain. I picked her up at the airport last night. We've been very kind to one another. She asked airily, "What are you doing this weekend ?"

I sent a text to Pip this morning and said "All OK here and have never been so sure about us. I love you"

Talking to Pip later it transpires she's had a bit of a morning. Lots in her mind. Many household jobs to complete, lots of people demanding her attention (including me), the prospect of a huge job interview on Tuesday in London and probably, she needs a break from the world.

As a gift from me to her I send her this, this, this this and this to bring some rock and roll, silliness and joy to an otherwise harassed complexion.

Soon Pip Soon Pip Soon Pip Soon.

JVIP

He's fitba crazy, he's fitba mad.....

2007-09-12T02:08:00.000-07:00

are words from a song by these blokes. My pal Andy is subject of the song, found here. Andy is simply autistic about football.

Imagine the scene, both Pip and I at Pip's gaff last night. Already I've said to her, "do you know the result of the England Japan game ?" She Say's, "I haven't looked yet" I laugh and say "I thought you were supposed to be championing Women's' Football"

Cut to Andy, I'm phoning him to talk about the weekend. Phone on loudspeaker so Pip can hear. Long conversation about weekend arrangements ensues, Andy is by turn both helpful and gracious. Then I say "can we do football for a bit ?" He agrees.

I say, "How's Luton doing ?" He gives me a comprehensive response

I say, "How's Woking doing?" He gives me a comprehensive response.

I say, "What do you think of England at the moment?" He gives me a comprehensive response.

I say, "What about the World Cup?" He says, (of course) "20-20 or Women's football ?"

He then gives me a comprehensive update on both situations, gleaned from 5 live in the car on the way home. Pip cheers silently in background because he cant remember the scorers of the goals.

I chide him about 5 Live, or 5 "Dead" as Gaunt has it. Andy then says "I don't do talk sport like you Bear, it's too repetitive" Again, Pip cheers in the background. She so agrees. I think these two are going to get on famously and brand me a fool.

Anyway, the game against Japan can be seen here. Not sure about the goal keeping, but that Kelly Smith is really something. I love the way she stands up under challenge, executes the Cruyff turn and then kisses her boots.

Germany on Friday. Here we go, here we go, here we go.

JVIP

Than you or your finery....

2007-09-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

Is a line from this song I heard play yesterday. The woman singer of the band was perfect in every detail. Pretty, charismatic; Her voice steeped in English tradition.

So....instead of indulging my passion for the beautiful game, missing England beat Israel 3-0, I spent some time here.

Pip by my side, the sheer joy of engaging in live music again, after so long, was just lovely.

I would say, quite openly, if I had to chose between watching this lot and this lot with Pip, I'd struggle to pick a winner. Truth is, my recent weekends with her, both of us watching football and live music, have been just something and a bit of an eye-opener.

Other highlights of this last couple of weeks (as I predicted) have been both of us again, doing this, this and this.

Work again tomorrow and Pip has a job interview in a week for something very important. We've spent some time in preparing a wonderful presentation. Interestingly, we worked on this exercise together, like it was a test of how we function as a couple ?

Mostly ( I think anyway) the presentation experience was amazing, we do actually create magic whilst coping with hill-climbing too. We collaborate and talk through difficulties. We will achieve proper things together. There seems to be a weird certainty the sum of our two heads, working together in some way, will be greater than both individuals toiling seperately. We seem to be creative, combative, challenging, respectful, leading, following, chopsy, funny, assertive and very loving. It's an exhausting combination.

If the girl has concerns about this relationship, she hasn't shown them, or I haven't noticed. She's been of good behaviour and character in her dealings with me. I hope (in my turn) to have lived up to her expectations of me. I'm feel I'm such an ordinary old bear in some ways.

Anyway.....the best thing of all is that, yesterday, when we were watching a band who sounded a lot like this, Pip leaned across to me and said "I've worked out reason you were put on this earth bear......it was to put Rock and Roll into people's lives"

Pretty good huh ?

JVIP

Crazy bout' a Mercury.......

2007-09-04T11:51:00.000-07:00

Is a song that goes like this and, played down the pub, can sound like this, when played by Pip and myself.

Anyway, in Pip's case, substitute Mercury for one of ....er....these. And she crazy bout' that little car.

But But But, probably, she needs to get something a bit more substantial. Image to think about, going out with a cool bloke etc.

Anyway........In other spheres, Pip's operations extend to mending broken bridges too. Pip's dad is such a cool geezer. I won't say too much on here cus its not fair. But, trust me, he's a dude. Broken and made old by ill-health he's recognising (not before time) there are a lot of ways to be a man. He's emotionally intelligent, cut-off, proud, dignified and honest in a proper way. He wouldn't rip you off and he adheres to the principle espoused at number five on this page. So...er...clearly, I'm gonna like him.

Pip's Dad wants to know his daughter more and can't quite get there with it. She's been spikey to him in the past for just cause. But bridges haven't been burnt between them and they want to have a proper loving father/daughter relationship.

Enter the old bear

"Why don't you ask your Dad to help you with the new car purchase Pip ?"

They are having lunch tomorrow to discuss these and these. I hope it works out for them both.

JVIP

If you'd like to chat a matador

2007-08-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

are words from a song by this lady. She's German of course and this song, sang in English, was pretty popular in the discos and clubs of Marbella in 1974.

Interestingly, the third verse is downright suggestive of all sorts.....

"Quite by chance to hot romance I found the answer

Flamenco dancers are by far the finest bet

There was one who whispered "oh hasta la vista"

Each time I kissed him behind the castanette

He rattled his maracas close to me

In no time I was trembling at the knee"

Anyway, Thumper is going to Spain for two weeks. I'm working mostly and seeing something of Pip during spare time.

Truth to tell, it'll be a busy old period. Got these chaps to think about at home. Tilly and Dave are my groovy boys. Tilly....a mentalist and Dave benign as a wooden post

Also there's this, this and this to get involved in.

Worked last night. Group went really well. Tried to work with the most "difficult" members instead of my usual bankers so, at times, a bit like this.

(Looking for the right clip btw, I came across this....goodness!)

I'm off here soon. Then into the Cotswolds for a "time"

As the lady says

"every dog must have his lucky day

That's why I've learnt the way to shout ole"

JVIP

It's getting to the point

2007-08-28T06:14:00.000-07:00

are words from this song. I hope, over the next few weeks, I will grow stronger and become a force for good again. Can't be a person who is no fun.

I've felt very strange over the last few days and, on Sunday, decided to break free a little. The Pipmeister was away getting very muddy at this event. Saturday afternoon she sent me a multimedia message that included a photo of a very muddy girl.

Anyway, yesterday, to remedy my gloom and sense of displacement, I took my boy out on the bike. We went over hill and dale to a meeting here.

The meeting involved two guys on these, myself and Boy on the BMW.

We had a lovely chat for a couple of hours, talking to a guy with another Rudge and also, a man who had restored one of these. The engine ran as smoothly as a well-oiled sewing machine.

Then we were off into the countryside visiting here, here and (best of all) here.

We did about 140 miles, managed to keep (mostly) to speed limits and had a time. It was what I needed most of all.

Today, I'm seeing Pip for the first time in 3 weeks. It is the very start of our new relationship and the embarkation point of a future together. I'm having mixed feelings about it. These feelings are as follows:

Excited, Scared, Worried, Thrilled, Expectant, Concerned, Responsible, Loving and wanting to make it right.

This morning my boy phoned me up at work, he Say's "Dad, I'm looking on Ebay, and they've got a great 125 Yamaha on there"

I sighed quietly and thought, "I am yours, you are mine, we are what we are"

JVIP

oh the games people play now

2007-08-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

Is a song by this guy. And goodness, the games people do play.

Two posts in a day means either, that I'm worried and in pain, or (as in this case) a bit bored and feel I need to talk about something.

I have a history on the Internet that goes back some 6 or 7 years so I know my way around the block. I've been reading blogs for about 3 or 4 years and started to write myself about two years ago. This one's been going since January. It's a sad affair sometimes but helps me think about how I feel about stuff.

In looking through other people's blogs, I'm often surprised at the level of vitriol leveled at the things people write and have had many thoughts about this over the years.

It seems that whatever you do on here, no matter how small or large your profile, someone feels its ok to come along and piss on your strawberries. Because readers, its in the public domain.

Me ?......I think its ok too. Have a go here, have a go there. I usually work from the principle those who live by the sword, die from it sometimes.

I think also, however, that sometimes a degree of sensitivity is called for.

There are spits and spats everywhere you look in the world of blogs. For example, here and here, are at one another's throats as usual. I love John Band BTW.

But, and here's a thing, I never realised the sex blog industry could have such tension within its ranks.

I've come across this little thing going on........... I know none of these people but goodness they are at it.......

This lady identifies with this lady and (I think) quite likes her. Unfortunately, this lady has had a go at one of them and the other has come to her defence.

Luka asks in her responses for people to give her reasoned debate. She is "keen to argue her case with anyone"

"Well Luka, reasoned debate from an old bear comes hard." I tend to fall into the category of person (these days) that sticks to the maxim of "Fit in, or Fuck off"

Your "ginger" piece is funny, irreverent and interesting. And your triumphal crowing in seeking out a seemingly hapless person who is (maybe) less sophisticated, more loving and less acerbic than yourself is both unkind and thoughtless. Your words could indeed be thought of as bullying.

Creating changes in ourselves is really hard but one thing I know for sure, Thumper's mum was mostly right when she said this. Best to mostly be nice in my opinion and pick your targets.

Defensive responses merely seek to confirm your role as someone who may indeed have A Levels in insensitivity, Thatcharism and general all-around nastiness.

This tough little statement

"If you post in the public domain, if you harbour dreams of one day being A Real Writer, then you'd better get used to a few dissenting opinions, and fast. I am a pussycat compared to Real Life, believe me"............ is nothing short of girly silliness.

I particularly disliked the "and fast".....very tough indeed and very second-rate.

Maybe time to think again girl cus its love that makes the world go around mostly and there's a distinct lack of it coming from your direction. Trust me on it.

JVIP

You got a friend

2007-08-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

Is a song by this guy. He's a rockin dude is James Taylor in his pomp.

So, about half an hour ago I started to send a text to Pip. She's away at Nash Hash doing this. I'm at home, riding the aftermath of Tuesday. This is how my message started "I'm experiencing a real scitz atm"

Then I thought, no.....don't send the text. Write about it.

Anyway..........the above was written last night and should have carried on with a description of feeling so many things at once.

The day at work, time spent listening to my girl, elated on the phone to have finally believed it is true. (Yes Pip, we are going to have a future together !) The time when I got home. Both Thumper and I, polite and kind to one another, talking about our "days"

Then, I was gonna write this.

However, I'd said to Thumper "fancy watching television for a bit" We never watch telly these days and it felt the right thing to do.

Anyway, we did and stayed up till real late watching Reading Rock Festival on BBc3. I must say that over the months, T and I have somehow neglected the music and we both enjoyed the bands we watch in the enveloping surround-sound that is the front room of our house :-)

Principally though, I had my perceptions widened last evening and said to T "I'm never again going to judge a band on just listening to them anymore"

The band that shocked me was this lot.

Up until now, my only real contact with them has been on this guy's show. (That JK ROWLING is quite a babe on the quiet huh) And I felt they were just another English-white-indy-boy-band, talking about their angsty-adolescence.

Anyway.....Razorlight...... what can you say about them ? Both T and I think Mr Borrell is quite something. According to Thumper, who knows everything about these things, he's seeing this girl who is....er....quite pretty. In addition to this he has quite a way with him. Doesn't he ?

What JVIP can say about the band is clear.

Sharp, On it, Professional,Rockin, Electric, Superstars

And Borrell could be the natural successor to this guy, this guy, but mostly this guy.

Quite an accolade really, although sharing information about the group of musicians that met on Venice Beach California with my good friend Thumper, she said merely (as sixties girls do) ......... "Morrison was much sexier and more edgy" and I then felt outgunned by her sense of Rock and Roll sociology and proper knowledge of the genre.....always much better than mine.

I shall miss her very much

JVIP

Hold on....I'm coming

2007-08-23T00:48:00.000-07:00

Is a song by this lot. I love the bit where they say "Play it Steve"

So yes......I am coming Pip. At 20.35 the day before yesterday Thumper and I did the conversation. There is very little to say except I've been humbled, saddened and uplifted by the thing. She behaved so perfectly decently and with such dignity. It makes me feel uncertain.

Thumper's responses to my telling her about Pip are based on the strong love and ....goodness....respect for me. She wants me to be happy. She agrees our life together has stalled. She has a very open heart. A heart I fell in love with 16 years ago and have not stopped loving since for a second.

Happily, in this heart of hearts, I think Thumper really understands a new narrative would be the best thing for us both. It's not over yet though. Hopefully, we've made strong commitments to not doing this, this and this

And, importantly, we should remember not to do this as well. Gosh, was that Sally James ?

For a while now, you readers will know, I've been screwed up. My feelings today as still confused. I'm scared, worried and uncertain about the future. I'm also excited and feel like, for the first time in such a long old time, tomorrow is another day

JVIP

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

2007-08-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

Is a song by this lot of course.

Anyway, I heard something yesterday which just about put the tin lid on things for me. An event that pricked my bubble of self-concerned angst. This is it.

I was born in 1950. At the time, the village I come from, was full of foreigners. Poles, Lithuanians, Estonians, and other peoples who were known, at the time, as "Displaced People"

One such person was Arthur. A German from the east. Ex-POW working on a farm for the local vicar. Arthur was one of these during the war and rode a motorcycle. He was captured quite early on in 1942 and came to the UK as a POW.

My Father was a POW too. Here

On my Father's return to the UK in 45, Arthur and him struck up a comradely friendship resulting in Arthur learning very good English and my dad improving his German. Arthur didn't want to go back to Germany because of this guy

During Arthur's training to be a soldier, he met Christa. Later, in 1949, she came to England to be with him. She came from here.

Arthur and Christa had 4 children in the 50's and early 60's. The first two of which, Gunter and Harald, became my best friends. We went everywhere together.

As Kids we used to do good stuff

Ride Bikes

Play Football

Play Cricket

Build Fires

Build Dens

Have Boxing Matches

Have Birthday Parties

Go to the Seaside (Weymouth usually)

Go Fishing

Have Fun.

Christa was always a massive part of all this. She was like my second Mum. Through her I learnt what a Kartoffle was. I learnt what Stube meant. I can remember, 14 or 15 kids, crammed into her little kitchen for birthday parties. The noise and hubbub part of a really exciting day. Games, fun, laughter, all on a shoestring. Christa's speciality was Jelly and Fruit in Waxed Plates, onto which she poured tinned cream. A real luxury.

Times at the sea were good too. Fish and chips, picnics, sand castles, swimming, rides on the wild mouse, cricket and football on the beach. Burnt backs, sand in all the wrong places and a luxury ride home in Arthur and Christa's car, one of these. Finally stop off for Lemonade and Crisps at a Pub.

When I was 12, I came home from swimming on a Saturday morning to hear shocking news.

Christa's son Gunter, my best friend, had been killed in a tractor accident.

Christa's three children came to our house over the week whilst the dust settled. After the dreadful, painful, heart aching, sad funeral, the family closed ranks and got on with life. It would be true to say that the deep pain of the day on which this tragedy happened remains with all of them, in one way or another to this day.

It still burns in my heart too.

Over the course of my teenage years, I continued to be friends with Harald until I went off and joined the Air Force. Truth to tell, the carefree joy of those early days, never really to be repeated.

Arthur died about 15 years ago. A bolt out of the blue heart attack. Christa has since lived with one of her daughters getting on with her life and generally contributing to keeping village life a collaborative and community minded environment.

About 4 years ago, Christa, helping others as usual, was looking after a dog for a neighbour. She took the dog for a walk and the dog, a big brute, pulled her over and she fell into a wall, dislocating her shoulder. She has, to all intents and purpose, been debilitated by this and other small complaints since. She is 82.

More recently, she has been going through a bit of a purple patch, however. getting herself back into mainstream life inch by inch.

Last week, for example, her daughters took her out shopping here, for the first time in 3 years.

Feeling justifiably confident, she said to her children-now almost middle aged, "you go on, I need to go to the covered market." So they did, and off she went.

In the market, Christa noticed a family close by, "oriental looking" with a young baby. As pro-social and community minded as ever, she talked to the baby, petting the child. The "Orientals" jostled her strangely and then moved on.

At the till, she went to pay for her goods and, of course, no purse. No cards, no £180 (that she had) to pay for the shopping.

There was hell to pay. The shop couldn't do enough of course. "Have the shopping for free" Managers summoned. Tears mopped up. Police called for. Security guards in attendance talking about cameras.

It's left her feeling devastated though. 82 years old, a life-time of pain and endurance. Living in an adopted country. The effects of this have been shocking and life threatening.

I feel both angry and ashamed.

Our world was one in which fascism was beaten, a world embracing change and a new love for others.

What have we come to that an older person cannot now walk our streets in safety ?

JVIP

I tell myself, the blues won't show

2007-08-19T01:21:00.000-07:00

are words from this song. I like this guy ichingiching by the way. Gentle and sweet.

Yesterday was miserable. Hardly spoke all day and spent many hours just thinking things

What I've decided to say today, therefore, is more cheerful and falls under the category of "things to do in the future with Pip"

Fish and chips here, here and here

Food here here and here

Fun on bikes, here here and here

A lot of this

Shed loads of this

And mostly this

And that's only on the first day....goodness.

This guy tells it how it can be, so i'd best be quick.

JVIP

Werry Werry Super Skurry

2007-08-18T00:56:00.000-07:00

are words in a song by this lady that woke me up this morning.

It's a funny old song and, in Germany at New Year, this is the one they always play in Discosmittles.

Pip is off to a family bash today. She's wearing a new outfit. Chosen last weekend by ourselves in a posh shop in Marlborough. I pray she'll wear it with confidence and people will tell her the truth about what she looks like these days. Radiant is what I say. She spent most of last evening preening and primping apparently. I felt so energised about her making herself look so good.

Rewinding to Yesterday.

I had a day characterised by another man's pain, a woman's joy and giving of support to a friend.

My work friend MrTom is in trouble deep. A man who, by any standard, is charismatic, funny, handsome and intelligent has been brought low by life, the turmoil of relationships and a relaxation of his moral compass. Things are well tricky for him atm.

Oh ! How I know that sweet and bitter road to ruin.

I talked with Mr Tom, and just after, on my way to lunch, sent him a text saying "I hope you pull through this intact bud. Love from the other fuck-up you know x"

He came back with "Thanks C, I appreciate the support. Your Comrade T"

I'll be pleased to see him pull through this thing. Mr Tom has demons from long ago and, in my perception, his adherence to the S and N has been underwritten firmly by a deep love of his wife.

Cep't, now it ain't. I worry he will return to this and to talking like this. Pray God Babylon evades him and he pulls through.

At lunch, I met one of these people. She was lovely, about 58 and tall. Slim, a little heel and a black pinstripe trouser. Nice jacket, Chanel maybe and a pretty cornflower blue blouse. Straight grey hair in a page boy style. Very worthy and passionate about her favorite subject.

We talked for about 90 minutes and agreed I'd come and talk to her colleagues soon about specialist Courts. I think she was really pleased with the outcome.

Finally, I went to see Willow. Earlier in the day she had sent me this text. "Survived. First day awful, throwing up on Morphine. Have started eating again. Look like Hammer House of Horror. Hope you're OK. Call you soon"

Willow did look tired. Mind you, if you had had your Thyroid half removed, so would you. She was tearful and light and bright both. A touch of thankful hysteria at her survival of the knife.

I fixed a virus thing on her computer and we talked about Pip and my future life with her. All well in theory we said.

The transition, soon soon soon to be on me, " Werry Werry....Super Skurry"

JVIP

I cried to him in fright

2007-08-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

Is a song by this girl, Quite a song indeed. Such dignity and simplicity.

Anyway, on the way home tonight I helped a guy on a bike who did this. I ran across the road. He had leathers on thank god. Nobody came to help. He got up. He dusted himself down. I helped him pick up his bike. Not too badly damaged. A Yamaha R1. Serious Gear for boys.

I held his bike. A man in his 30's, cropped hair and quite tough looking. I said, "take a breath man, I'll hold your bike". He said. "Let's push it over to the kerb" I said "OK." We tried. Shit, it was in gear. Petrol pouring out of it. He got it out of gear. We pushed. Kerbside, we got it on the side stand.

I looked at him, he seemed OK. I said "are you OK ?" He said "yea, glad I had leathers on" I patted him on the shoulder and said. "I've only done this once.....dropped an FJ 1200 at the garage" Suddenly, he looked at me as if I was a human being. he said, "Thanks for coming to my rescue mate"

That's rockin init ?

JVIP

Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head

2007-08-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

Is, as you know, words from a song by this lot.

TBH this what my day has felt like. Nothing has touched the sides. I'm on auto-pilot, reacting to events on an hourly basis. Quite a lot is going on.

Willow is ill in hospital. Willow, in case you don't remember is my best mate. We've done life in the raw together since I don't know how long. Anyway, we've shared office space for 6 years. We support one another. Willow has been through the lot. Not that I'll tell it here because some things are just....private.

But trust me, she's had a time. Anyway, she's in hospital having a pretty serious operation. Have phoned, in case you were interested, she's recovering and....er "sleepy" according to some sexy sounding nurse. (uniforms again bear.....stop)

Thumper is ill. She has a real bad back. I'm trying to do all I can despite impending news. It's a very-very-very curious time. ( three very's .......quite worrying) This drama that is my life atm means I feel I have to care for the woman I intend to tell some really difficult news to soon. She's visited the quack and they've done some sort of manipulation. It hasn't worked so far. I sit and hope she'll get better for many reasons. Not all selfish.

Pip is in the pink on one level. Trying to be "up" for me. Trying, and mostly succeeding. I do, however, sense in her a distinct sense of "patience". And she is....what's the word ?....stoic maybe, but better words that encompass her passion are "simmering gently" She is just a dream of a girl. So much under the surface. So much more to get to. I just love her so very much.

I've done driving, meetings and....er.... more driving today. No great shakes, but frustrating. Mostly my colleagues are wonderful, capable, interested and interesting people. Today one meeting was chaired by someone up the food chain from me. We don't get on. All he does is this So..... a challenging afternoon.

Throughout this day, I've also talked to many people, walked a bit, not eaten properly, waited for a miscreant to attend and then fail, kept up with football totally, received and replied to many texts from Pip and other people, had a time, helped out, moaned, supported, encouraged, told off, laughed with loads of people and generally been "me" mostly.

It's all bollocks of course. Mostly, as I say, I've been on auto-pilot. My sense of momentum compelling and scary.

So in the words of my Liverpool hero's, "somebody spoke, and I went into a dream" How very true.

Its tough inside me atm. I trust she will pull hard to iron out my wrinkles.

JVIP

with feathers all stubby and brown

2007-08-14T04:48:00.000-07:00

Is how, sometimes, the Pipmeister describes herself. Usually, after I've had a go at her and she's feeling......just..... got at by a hateful bear.

I confess to being all over the shop at the moment. Time is getting close to changing my life forever. I'm about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life bar none. The risks (it feels) are huge. The penalty of failure, personal oblivion no less.

This morning, I received an e mail from the girl. In it she had attached her application for a job she is going to apply for. She wanted my comments about it.

Apart from an aversion to full stops, it is a panoramic and multi-dimensional piece of work, and should be of course, for a job that pays in excess of 50k a year.

So, with a flurry of eiderdown, members of the selection committee are most likely to say " The best in town,..de dum..... the best, .de dum.......the best...de dum............................. The best in town......and a very fine Swan indeed"

JVIP

has left a pool of tears,

2007-08-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

Is a line from this song. The long and winding road took me to Pip's yesterday afternoon. She greeted me at the door with her usual grin, head on one side, "look at me" type of greeting.

Looking at her was indeed a treat for my eyes. For the girl was wearing one of these.

There is nothing so compelling as a girl in a nicely fitted football shirt, particularly, when combined with a few other nice little bits of under-stated stuff, Pip indeed, looked a treat.

What we can say for certain is that if you go here, you'll read about her later exploits in that very shirt. All I can say as an observer to what went on yesterday afternoon is "I told you so Pip, I told you so"

Strolling into town smoking with her yesterday I opined, "you'll get looks in that shirt". She looked at me with her usual, "shut up, stop being silly" look she gets sometimes.

I look to my Lord in heaven and make a pact with him. We both think "We'll see"

Cut forward twenty minutes........bloke in car.....gesturing....thumbs up......shout's "fair play to love" through the car windscreen. I rest my case.

Cut forward thirty minutes. Supermarket, good guy with his partner comes up to her, "Christ, a Foxes fan here, I don't believe it ?" A 20 minute conversation ensues in which she does a damn fine job of convincing a die hard footy fan that she's the Dogs Bollocks.

Pip by this time is sweating profusely, she's not used public stardom. Her neck goes a lovely shade of pink when she's flirting. Good job girl.

We talk afterwards, and I say , " Pip it's the way of it....I told you ! Footy fans get together....its a religion. "

That and a shirt that shouts TOPPS TILES under a terrific set of tits

JVIP

Around and Around

2007-08-08T02:01:00.000-07:00

Is a song written by this guy. I think, for what it's worth, this lot do it much better. With that in mind then, how does this guy get to look like this in 35 years ? You'd think playing such beautiful songs would keep you young. Despite everything really? Anyway, that's the mantra I've followed for the last 20 years at least.

Rock and Roll is quite a thing of course. Some say it's defined the way the western world has worked since it began. Witness this for example. or even this

Maybe, just maybe, its time for a revolution. maybe people will begin to think something like this is groovy instead ? Maybe we need to look outside the great Satan ? and find a street level groove of different proportion.

If that happened, and this guy gets to be living at Number Ten. Goodness, The world is our Lobster.

We might even.......hit the USA ?

Anyway, its a good question and one to which I'll probably return when PIp Pip Pip Pip Pip has been replaced by other chatter of more sensible proportion.

Love to all

JVIP

A Bird of Paradise

2007-08-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

By whom, of course, I mean the greatest footballer to be seen in the Premiership to date.....Mr Eric Cantona

Durham and Wright were on again tonight stimulating my football juices. A Polemic and fractious interview with this man and then a debate about....wait for it.......who is the best,........Eric, or this man

Compelling debate.

Pip's post was about this woman. Amazingly, there are no video's available for this amazing sports star. Against all odds, it would appear she has reached the glass ceiling.

I still just adore that Pip. A challenge to the core of me and sometimes, if bears are good, she (who must be obeyed) would be give this girl a run for her money.

So....what do you think readers, is it Ginola or Cantona ?

JVIP

The Price of Love

2007-08-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

Lyrics here BTW. Song here for those with a computer that doesn't need one off the wrist to keep it going.

I've been paying too much attention to this web site. As opposed, Ladies and Gentleman, to this web site. That's why I must have slipped, just for a second, into the vernacular.

I've had a time over the last few days. By "time" I mean the usual head chatter, nonsense, short quiet periods of brief respite and a silent head.

Friday, think I said, an evening with the proto-leader writers of this newspaper. Two ex-colleagues. I say "ex" quite thankfully. Not without pain either though. I'm just changing. OK ?

Saturday. The day with a "turd" in the middle. So it turned out.

Although the early day was great because I saw my lovely child Juniper. We did Indian in the garden.

Later, out to a little old 40th wedding anniversary party near here.

The host, a wonderful man with a wonderful talent to be this guy. Oh, if it were me !

The hostess, a children's writer, sharp and funny and a talent for doing this

So a lovely evening, marred only by best friend telling me it was all over with his partner. He's finally realised he's got crap radar and a very warm and generous heart. Goodness, that boy has suffered trying to make it work. More than me....that is for sure.

So a tricky evening for me. but quite groovy cus I met a guy called Stuart and talked about the red's and the blue's all night. No no no ........not Sir Alex V's Mr M. No indeed. A battle between a guy who looks like Peter Kay on drugs since he got that beard and, compellingly, another Scotsman who is proving to be quite a responsive and thought-out bloke. Yep, we talked Liverpool and Everton all evening between listening and watching to this lot and this lot.

Busy time. In the background...pip pip pip pip pip.

Sunday, the joy of Pip, my bike, a summer's afternoon and an evening to just die for. Entering into (what you know by now)and what is now known (officially) as an "overwhelmingly holistic experience" It was groovy.

Journey home was characterised by your correspondent finding out how, at last, to work a BMW R100CS gearbox properly. Duh !

Home to Thumper and Pizza. My boy (emotionally absent) still not very well but putting brave face on having tummy things going on.

Today. The release of work. Focused on my Policy document. Finished now and submitted. I will have my way !!!

Saw a poor lad in the afternoon who may go on to actually kill someone if we're not careful.

I say "poor" because this woman let him down by telling him there was no such thing as society.

A casualty of the modern world. When I saw the offences of this 18 year-old-boy on paper, I was just stunned. Meeting him, I thought, would be a daunting prospect. What I found, importantly, was a boy who is out of his depth, with no education, a load of labels around his neck given to him by doctors who should know better and, an intellect to die for.

I told him about education, I told him my story, I told him about learning to read at 15 and doing a degree at 37. The struggle ! How books change the world. The pen is mightier than the sword etc etc etc.

He looked at me and said, "I ain't doing your programme so don't start that hippy shit"

I just love him !

If there are people like that out there, if they are educated, if they are given stuff to do......if Tony Blair....you really had been tough on the causes of crime boys like this would probably have had more opportunity to make a mark, other than a just a stain.

Gonna talk to Pip on here in a minute. Looking forward to it.

JVIP

Momma's got a squeeze box......

2007-08-03T15:30:00.000-07:00

A funny title right enough. Think about the words to the song. "In and out and in and out and in and out"

Substitute the words "In" and "Out" for the word "on".

You now have a solid and unshakable description of one of my dining companions tonight. And.....get this...... they really arn't a sexual metaphor...like in the song.

The other, a warhorse of a man in someways. So past his best and contriving not to know anything about the modern world. Charming in some people. Dull in others. For this scenario......read "dull"

I felt disconnected, provocative and frustrated. I think the assembled company (Thumper there too) thought I was a misanthrope and probably "on something"

Thumper played sweetness and light rather compellingly. Coming home in the pantechnicon, we swapped pace notes. I was refreshed to find she felt the same. These people make one feel old and past it.

Truth to tell, I spend most of my adult life these days working alongside 30 somethings. As a result, i take an interest in the things they take an interest in. As well as my own stuff. I find it helped me get along with them. They treat me like an ageing hippy who knows stuff and is "reasonably" relevant.

My dining companions.....right get this.......didn't know what this guy look like. These are people right.....get this....that purport to be intellectual. Both have good degrees and a pedigree in social work.

There are times when I've been known to feel true despair. The despair felt by this man is just that feeling. I think, mostly, that true misery is to feel trapped by boring people. Particularly as one gets older. The time running out to increase one's learning.

Give me crazy, give me hysterical, give me polemic, give me enquiring, give me educational, give me lively, give me funny............but dear god on this earth.........don't give me boring.

Neither of these two do the following.

Celebrity
Popular Culture
Intellectual Stuff
Music of any sort
Enquiring about one self
Bikes
Rock and Roll
Love
Passion
Sex

and the conversation around this guy was just hateful. Daily Mail 1 Empathy Nil

I was at a loss. Cep't for footy of course. But the dynamics weren't right for discussion. Two don't like it.

Underneath like a surgeon's knife cutting cutting........Pip Pip work Pip telling thumper Pip Pip work Pip Pip telling thumper........PIP !

Life's hard for a bear at the moment. How we laughed !

JVIP

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross

2007-08-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

My today has been biblical.

I awoke at the 7 o'clock alarm to HH aka hateful harridan, on the radio after a fitful sleep. I said to Thumper, I feel like I've been hit over the head today.

I glanced at my phone and read "Morning, awake and not grumpy" I responded with "Running late. On road at 8.10 text you" I showered. Cussoms Imperial Leather. White. L'oriel Elvive on the pony with....er.......Nuetrillium to ensure "non frizz"

Dress myself.

The ensemble'

Black Thong-Women's Primark, Vest, Black M and S, Shirt, Black. Sainers. TU brand. Jeans Primark. Socks Black. Primark. Black Crocks on the feet, well not really Crocks. Cheap Chinese copy Crocs from the Bath and West Show this year. Jeans Blue. Primark. Jacket Black. H and M. Silver Braclets from Tangier's, Thialand, Reading Berks and Tarifa. Glasses. Specsavers. Watch. ........Watch is a Franck Muller....well a Chinese copy anyway.

Drink a pint of water. Say Bi Bi. "See you later" Get in car. Black Skoda Fabia 1.9TDI.

Drive to Savacentre. Buy one of these. and smoke one of these. Drive to my work. Achieved 67.4 MPG today. Well done bear ! Put car in garage for oil change. Talk to Pip in car for a bit. She's got a busy day working at stuff. She has the idea she wants to change her job. I encourage her. it's a big post she wants. She's totally the right person for it. I will cross everything.

Arrive work at 9.45. Straight into extended talk with the WSW AKA Women's Safety Worker Sue. Discussed video from last night's programme and watched about 45 minutes of MDB.

Opened up computer and proceeded to write up contact logs, write letters, issue sanctions, organise 3-ways, answer about 70 emails, answer work mobile phone, talk to Thumper about Saturday and Sunday, fill in database, write a synopsis for a Healthy Relationships Programme, sort out cover issues for my team, supervise a facilitator, write up supervision notes, miss lunch, talk to WSW again about the retrieval of Batterers property from a shabby tenancy, fend off enquiries regarding a new DID programme, write to my gaffer about a conference and finally........yes finally, texted Pip with "Flat out with endless nonsense from work. head full of pain and worry. trying to make sense of my world and loving you x"

Oh....at three thirty, go to freezer at work and take out remains of last night's Chinese. Prawn Chow Mien and gobble it down with a bottle of this. Feel instantly better.

Supervise one of my team. Non tricky, straightforward-nice bloke-easy issues, no problems. Write up supervisions of him and one other.

5.30. Rush to garage. Have interesting and lively debate with man at garage about rock and roll. he Say's when he's on hols, and no one's looking, he does Karaoke to Elvis songs. I laugh and say "I bet you do a mean teddy bear mate" He smiles and Say's "probably yes" The Asian guy at the garage joins in and Say's "I sing in the shower" I say " fair play to you" Following up with the NG quote from above about being a child of the universe. The garage hands shuffle nervously, but I know I've struck a chord in their hearts.

Receive text from Be Be beep. Not well. Has a dose of the runs. "Can you get me a bottle of this ?" I say yea and finish with "laterz".

I'm down with my kids. Yea spect so !

Text Lady in Red with "I'm overwhelmed at the moment too. Work is just full on and life generally on pretty shifting sands"

Drive home. 74.6 MPG....it's more downhill the other way. Talk to Pip on way. We do our days.

I love her so so so so so much. Get home. Supper is Salad, Potatoes, Salmon. I provide Lucozade, wine and ....bizarrely.....Profriterolles.

Finish supper. Have a smoke. Drink a glass of cheap brandy. Text Pip "How's your evening?" She replies "I'm in bed, you" ? I respond with, "OK, just OK, I'll respond to girls later. I think you're gonna sleep well tonight. CEO Circles. Quite a thing huh ?

I Write this blog. I Think " This has been a day mate"

All the while, I've just had "Pip Pip Pip Pip Pip" going on in my distorted little head. Please let it end quietly soon.

Go to bed and dream of.........nothing.

JVIP

Don't push me......I'm close to the edge

2007-08-01T06:44:00.000-07:00

Really, don't push me. I am.

Sitting with Pip last night we made the small discovery that a 5 year old computer, working on Windows 2000, RAM full of nonsense, and without adequate systems to combat stealth bombers doesn't really work that well, when coupled with a modern broadband system.

In fact, not to put too fine a point on it, her little old Dell Dimension is well banjaxed and needs a strong dose of e's and wizz to bring it up sharply into the 21st Century.

Its lovely to spend time together and we just revel in each other's company. We ate fish and chips, played guitars, watched funny videos on my super-slim fairly modern, all singing and all dancing laptop and made love beautifully.

Somewhat worryingly, Pip calls this an "intimate, multi-dimensional and holistic experience" I choked on a fish bone when she said this but, as old bears do, went with the flow and was proud to have made a contribution.

We do make good lovers. Quite outside the range of my experience in these things. Somehow, there really is, despite all the difficulties we face, a proper and respectful symbiosis, between us.

Probably, in other ways, this is best exemplified by a fairly competent rendition of what we call "17" with two-part harmony and done in an old time C and W style.

Yes....... that is both Country and Western.

A late night ensued and Pip was tired. I mean really tired. Tired beyond her means and awoke fractious and with the pressures of her life in a multiplicity of pieces around her feet.

We talked, and....as lovers do......we worked out things in a way that was both collaborative and loving.. Very well as it goes. She listens and thinks properly.I try to say things in a way they will be heard properly.

She is both talented and clever, funny, interesting and bright.

A woman who, I hope, will always give me her respect in this way.

We're in this together now... us Renegades.

Truth to tell, in working out how to proceed under some duress, I was reminded of a video we had watched the night before.

This is exactly what my life feels like right now and someone shaking that tower adds a frisson of danger and uncertainty to the whole thing.

Compelling for a bear and probably scary for a cat who has risked everything for me.

JVIP

Yeah Darlin' go make it happen

2007-07-29T00:36:00.000-07:00

As Steppenwolf once said so well.

It's funny position to be in at the moment. In the one side of my life, I seem to spend a whole lot of time trying to be a backstop, doing stuff like this. Take last night at a restaurant, with friends, Chrissie and Kiethy Baby, Baby Keithy, questions thrown at me included, when are you going to Tarifa again ? are you still thinking of moving house ? what have you and Thumper got planned for late August, because we want to have a party?

Almost schizophrenically, I spent most of yesterday morning and afternoon with the Pipmeister, making love, eating food and this too. Crucially, however, life with Pip is containing increasing amounts of what I'm beginning to call future statements.

One of the things I know stalled our initial relationship was the lack of these. The idea that one should NOT, under any circumstances set up false expectations was always in my mind from day one when I was in the position of (what we social workers call) cognitive dissonance.

Now, our brief, partial and limited time together is suffused positively with these. Examples include

The use of Saturdays

The use of Sundays

What to do in the week

Places to go, see, smell, touch, taste, hear

Things we'll do together

Things we'll do apart

What to eat

What to drink

What to buy

What to plan

How to do this, How to do that.

Endless stuff that now feels like we have a proper future together. Something to believe in. Something to hold on to and, as Steppenwolf says

Get your motor runnin'

Head out on the highway

Lookin' for adventure

And whatever comes our way

Yeah Darlin' go make it happen

Take the world in a love embrace

Fire all of your guns at once

And explode into space

I like smoke and lightning

Heavy metal thunder

Racin' with the wind

And the feelin' that I'm under

Yeah Darlin' go make it happen

Take the world in a love embrace

Fire all of your guns at once

And explode into space

Like a true nature's child

We were born, born to be wild

We can climb so high

I never wanna die

Born to be wild Born to be wild

JVIP

Caught in a world full of tears !

2007-07-25T00:54:00.000-07:00

Where I live, we're all supposed to be on, what the BBC calls (rather bizarrely) "Standby" I'm ever ready, therefore, to do my bit. Quite what this means I'm not sure but if it involves wearing waders, include me out.

So............ last night was just unsettling and I felt disconnected from my environment. Thumper Say's, "are you coming to Tarifa Feria in September ?" I looked back a bit lamely and said "I don't know yet" She Say's, "Well what are you going to do then" I said, "I said I don't know yet....leave it with me" So difficult.

I guess you could call that an opportunity to move myself forward. It would have been reactive though and not the best time. Although I do stand up on this and have to be reactive sometimes, when you're emotionally involved in a thing it's best (probably) to pick the moment when both people are feeling pretty level......... isn't it ?

Anyway, the moment passed. She went to bed early and I, mercifully, had a quiet evening doing stuff on here. Soon there will be tears.

On Sunday, at the end of the most perfect love making session ever in my whole life, Pip and I sat across the table from one another drinking stuff. She, Red Wine, me Red J20 (because I was driving my mid-life crisis)

I said "try mixing the two and see what they taste like ?"

She did and liked the mixture. (No accounting for taste I guess) We said, we need to find a name for this because in Spain they have this and this

So if anyone wants to have a go at that, bearing in mind all the sociological aspects of this case, please let me know ?

Making love with Pip is like entering into a world where you never want things to end. She is, by some way, the greatest technician (not sure about that word-but hey), the most completely understanding of lovers and, importantly, in possession of the loveliest "clever-head" that makes intimacy the absolute joy of joys.

In other news, this guy died today. Back in the day, he wrote this which seems about right for my moment today.

These are the words for those that are struggling with their broadband. It's a great song huh ?

Think about that drink and let me know please ?

JVIP

every picture tell's a story don't it ?

2007-07-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

So......here I am. Ensconced in the bosom of my family. Today has been a cracking day at work. I really enjoyed the whole day. Pip has issues going on in her work and has coped with them admirably. She's quite amazing.

Gonna talk more tomorrow, when I have time to post properly.

This, this and this. Are likely to be mentioned. Er.....not sure about the ties. I'm more of this type of guy.

JVIP

Welcome home, welcome.

2007-07-21T00:28:00.000-07:00

Is a song by Peters and Lee that says a lot about feeling safe and sound.

Or, in Pipspeak, SNS.

At about 12.27 last night, I received a text saying the following "Home SNS, I'm so gonna love this"

This morning at about 5.30ish, I texted her with "I bet you've finished it"

When I woke up, there was this "Fell asleep, too pissed"

I said "Can meet you on MSN in a min ?"

She Say's " Er, I'm reading. Could you bear it if we don't"

I said "It's a matter for you xxxxxxxxxxx"

Of course its the HP thing. Utter bloody Pip Madness !

Had this been another day and we hadn't spent some quality time together just a day or so ago and pledged to love each other for ever and ever, I would have predicted (quite confidently) the PipMiester (although not this one) might have found herself behind the computer to talk to the old bear.

As it is, she's had her way with me and now feels safe enough to dive into the world of Potter without fear of rejection. It is a scandal.

In associated news there is this

Burbage dies on pg. 12

Hedwig dies on pg. 56

Mad-Eye dies on pg. 78

Scrimgeour dies on pg. 159

Wormtail dies on pg. 471

Dobby dies on pg. 476

Snape dies on pg. 658

Fred Weasley dies on pg. 637

Harry gets fucked up by Voldemort on pg. 704

but comes back to life on pg. 724

Tonks, Lupin, and Colin Creevy have their

deaths confirmed on pg. 743

19 years after the events in the book:

Ron has married Hermione, their two children are named Rose and Hugo

Harry has married Ginny, their three children are named Lily, James, and Albus Severus.

Draco Malfoy has a son named Scorpius,

The epilogue shows all of the children boarding the train for Hogwarts together.

The final lines of the book are: "The scar had not pained Harry for 18 years. All was well."

"NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!" Molly Weasley, to Bellatrix lestrange, P. 736

Love to her above all things

JVIP

Up and down the city road

2007-07-18T01:48:00.000-07:00

Class. It is an issue init ? For example, I don't exactly believe all I read about it. Here's what schools teach children, for example.

Outside of this guy, nowhere in Britain, in mainstream politics, mainstream literature, newspapers, television, is the German word " Produktionsmittel" being talked about anymore.

What is heartening for me though, is the idea that Britain follows America in everything S/he does. Heartening ?.....why yes ! In America they have stuff like this going on.

Maybe then, well get to see something on British Television soon staring him.

In other news, Pip has decided she's middle class. The basis on which she's done this has been pretty arbitrary but this stuff figures strongly. Pip's Mum and Dad are 50'people. Aspirational, ready to re-build after collapse and, eager to knock down anything with an accent like this. The result is a daughter who thinks this is Middle Class.

Bears from the West Country and, from a similar background, also talk like this and have this in their heart.

So probably, Pip and I, are about the same class wise.

Cep't I'm a bit posher.

JVIP

Message in a bottle

2007-07-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

Here's the links to make baby's day something to remember. I know your broadband is knackered but you can keep this for when it isn't. (I was going to put an excamation mark on here but decided not to)

There is also this, this this and this that will assist your passage towards stardom.

You should try to listen to this this and this when you have the time to wait for the bloody download !

So good to talk to a student of music

JVIP

it's just amazing how fair people can be

2007-07-17T00:51:00.000-07:00

Sylivia Plath once said this you know.

It occurred to me late last night that my actions in telling Pip I wanted to marry her could be seen as somewhat dubious. The thought being that if I say this thing to her, I then have to do it. This then meaning the moral reasoning around moving from home and abandoning a 17 year relationship, is less bad than lying to someone. I have now created the situation where I have to go ahead and be with her because it's the least worst thing I can do.

There is also the method by which I chose to convey this message of marital permanence. The bloody Internet. Goodness, what a hopeless case I am.

I do think its where we've always talked best. And never mind the fact I put her on the spot. never mind that it had little romance to it, never mind the shock value and never mind the damage I could have caused to our love.

I thought about these things for a bit anyway, and then rejected them mostly, falling back on the Sylvia defence.

Being an amazing dancing bear and dazzling your sweet love is important too isn't it ?

JVIP

Standing in the shadows of love

2007-07-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in Detroit, there was a man who met this man and produced wonderful things.

On their journey to stardom and good fortune they were helped along the way by these people.

The bass guitarist of this outfit was a guy called James Jamerson

There are people on the Internet now who, as a result of this guy, do this.

The genius of Jamerson is that he did all this with one finger because, apparently, he learnt on a stand-up slap bass.

Fascinating huh ?

The results of songs written by Holland Dozier Holland defined soul music for a generation. Let's ask Music Mike shall we ?

I didn't much care for Chairman of the Board TBH. But I do like these and these and these. Mr Gordy did well with all the others. A tune a day. Absolutely amazing. And done on two four-track machines.

In another city, a few hundred miles away, this guy was starting to make music too. He collaborated with this lot to produce this, this and this. The guy who later took on the role of chief axe for these musicians was this guy and, as the clip say's, this is a great song

Finally, Mr Wexler's finest achievement, in my opinion, is this

Complicated old world music is.

In other spheres Pip and I are building again. Its been like this for ages and now its like this

I hope now we (Pip and I) are gonna do this, which brings us back, very neatly, to Mr Jamerson.

One of the true roots people of modern contemporary soul music.

Now his tunes are going to support me through changing times.

JVIP

Hallelujah

2007-07-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I picked up my bike from here. It now runs like a sewing machine. Gone is the shuddering vibration, gone the souring revs, gone the excessive amounts of concentration required to keep the thing on the road. Its now a dream.

To celebrate I took BBB out for about an hour. The first time I've had a passenger on this bike. Think perhaps I'm capable of taking Pip out now.

So, Thumper has her friend JJ here. Not only that, we have JJ's daughter Alicia to stay too. What with BBB here living, it feels like a very busy house.

I cooked and generally "did" for them yesterday. In the middle of the evening, against all planned connections, Pip text ed me.

I called her and then went back into the Melee' As I did so, this was playing on the computer.

Thank God for her intuition. Onwards and upwards.

JVIP

All the way the paperbag was on my knee

2007-07-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

These guys can play. And nice guitars !

So yes......I'm back. Back to the snow-peaked mountains, keeping your comrade warm and reality

Reality means thinking about all the hows, cep't in this case its 50 ways to leave (what you thought was) your life partner.

Here's what Paul Say's

"You just slip out the back, Jack

Make a new plan, Stan

You don't need to be coy, Roy

Just get yourself free

Hop on the bus, Gus

You don't need to discuss much

Just drop off the key, Lee

And get yourself free"

Easy in the abstract, tricky and painful in the here-and-now but undoubtedly, something I need to put into place causing the least possible damage to everyone.

I'm stuck on who to tell first. Do I tell everyone except Thumper, or do I tell her before anyone else ? P and D say shore up your resources. Build a social network.

This, unfortunately, doesn't take account of a word Pip uses a lot. Dignity. I must try and conduct this with the dignity of all those involved in mind. Probably then, talk to Thumper first making sure she can then deal with it in the best way for her. I'm going to take advice very shortly on the subject from people who love me and see what they say.

Last evening was a trial. As I said to goodbye to Luce I told her softly I loved her and completely meant every word. I thought,"when this is all done and dusted, I will need you to be very patient with me"

I hope she'll be able to understand in some way that my love for her remains unchanged by events. And it is my life, and my needs, that have changed and not my love of her. Its a sorry, sad and painful tale and I fear I will have to work very hard to re-establishing any understanding between us; maybe I may never manage it and that's a thought to fill me with misery and horror.

The phone goes, its my Mother. I tell her I'm back. She asks about Thumper. I say, "She's OK, you know how she hates flying. We had a nice time" My Mother has sent us £1000 to help us pay for our holiday.

This seems appropriate.

I have to bring this charade to an end somehow. I'll need a strong pair of arms. and, of course, her.

JVIP

Didn´t we have a lovely time......

2007-07-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

Ten minutes after posting last night, I received the following text from Pip

"Hang in there little Bear-You´ll Make it"

There is a God then.

Today I went here. The place, run by Nigel and Ginny is in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Drive down the motorway to Algerciras from Tarifa and take a turn up into the hills to Ronda. Then back roads for 30 Ks and then dirt track for 3k. One of these is essential. The flies and the hard nature of the terrain are very sapping.

What N and G are doing is developing the most amazing farm to breed high quality animals for others to buy. Quite clearly they are saying, there is no real European market for wool and the´ve decided breeding animals for sale at (sometimes) in excess of 15K Euro is the best way forward.

We (Thumper, Myself, Rob and Chez) arrived as N and G were about to celebrate the opening of a swimming pool with their builders. We had a glass of something nice and then went to see the animals at the bottom of this huge valley. The temperature was touching 41c ! N and G have been here about 3 years and, like others, have rejected England in favour of a wilder life full of hard work, back-breaking toil and........freedom.

It was really interesting. R and C are hoping to buy about 10 of these lovely little animals to have on their place in Tarifa. They want to produce wool and maybe sell youngsters to other interested people here in Andulacia. It may cost them in excess of Euro25k. They seem very serious about it and think they are going to call the first batch after their friends from England. Sweet huh ?

We went to a country restaurant later and had this. It was delicious.

As we drove towards home, I reflected this could be the last time I´ll ever see these people. When I left them finally, it was with a very heavy heart I did so and I felt a (now familiar and usual) sickening wrench in my guts.

R was a property developer/architect type person who did really well in England during the boom 80´s and then fell ill with hard work and needed to live an easier life.

He and Chez came to Spain looking for a way-out and found it in Tarifa. They built a beautiful house on the outskirts of the town and, slowly, over about 3 years now have put down real roots in this community. Both are kind, warm and generous people. Such good and interesting friends. In fact, the very reason I came here at this time was to attend their Son´s 21st Birthday Party last Thursday.

As I left, they asked, "When are you coming back to see us?" I answered lamely, "I´ll have to see"

Later this evening, I´m going out for a drink with Luce. We had a meal last night in the best restaurant in town, Morillas. I had a fried-fish platter that tasted perfect. Tonight will be a difficult one. Say no more. She is such a sweet love.

Pip has recognised, quite rightly, I need her support today and so I know she´s not far away in terms of contact. I am going to need so much more from her over the coming months too. I feel like shit tonight and need to feel her close.

I land at 14.20 tomorrow and, until then, will try to keep this in my head.

JVIP

2007-07-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

Apparently then, one way to get through hard times is to meditate.

Interestingly, underneath all the MJ the author of these ideas suggests the following:

Appreciating the reality of the current situation (get information)

Awakening to new possibilities (become comtemplative)

Manifesting these in constructive actions (take action)

In other words readers, we´re back to Prochaska and Diclimente. Remember?

Oh and there´s some other stuff about a little Croation boy who was given a football and discovered he could do this. Fab !

I think I might have said before:

this man once said this. And he´s right of course. It is ALLl Bollocks BUT, importantly, the nature of change is hard and seems usually to be accompanied by shed-loads of Bollocks.

Over the last 24 hours, since yesterday´s bit, I´ve done very little really. I did cook for 5 women last night in a little kitchen. I did something like this and this. I must say having top-notch ingredients makes these things easier. A small space makes me tidy too and, readers, less clumsy.

Went to a little local shop, the guy very friendly to my spastic spanglish. He even managed to sell me some little bird´s eye chillie too.... so the pasta suace had a bit of zing going on.

We ate. I listened to tunes all evening with the others. I played a bit. My fingers still red-raw from the last nights´excesses. I looked out onto the street from the ground floor french-doors.

The architect has put bars in front of these to allow the doors to be opened all day without inviting burglary (Domestic). I looked through the bars and (you´ve guessed it) I felt I was in a metaphorical prison. Not the best thing to feel when you have 5 people to provide a rustic tart for !

Today I´ve been here to buy one of these. When I arrived in Spain, the house was musty and I borrowed a little machine from a guy upstairs. Over the next 3 days I got at least 30 litres of water from the room and the clothes and bedding were saved from this.

One recipient of the pasta and tart is now going to come in and make sure the place is aired on a weekly basis while I´m away from here.

On the way back from the Hyper-Market, Thumper said to me "When do you think you´re going to sort out your future and what you want to do............. I know it might not be with me ?"

I didn´t give the hard answer because the time simply wasn´t right. But it will be soon. I thought back to yesterday evening and, looking through the bars, hearing this song playing, I know Bobby gets it right.

What I need NOW more than anything, is for someone, just someone, to say "Hang in there little bear-you´ll make it"

JVIP

2007-07-10T03:57:00.000-07:00

Well....here again. Back at the net cafe´ The place full today with touristicos. Student´s eeking out their grants, smoking maroccan dope, sporty wind-surfers from Northern Europe with flash motor-homes and blond-haired children, older, more middle-class (and rich) people in search of a chilled holiday.

For indeed, Tarifa is much like Glastonbury on Sea. That is, a bit past its sell-by date for the true hedonist but still offering enough Rock and Roll to make it viable if you can stand the hype.

Anyway, last night found me at a place about 4 miles along the coast at the end of a track only negotiable by a proper Land Rover.

Si and Caz have made a homested on a hillside down the road a bit from civilisation Their house is a three-story sprawling property with a baronial hall and enormous kitchen. It is furnished with artifacts from India and North Africa. Si made a little money way back when in England and, because he is a talented carpenter, musician and couragous bloke, he and Caz decided to make a pioneering move to Southern Spain.

To get the feel you need to distance yourself from anything you´ve ever seen on television in England. "A home in the sun" it ain´t. Their spread has been hewn out of a rough and unforgiving hillside. They keep animals and have a retinue of young students(living in tents and carvans) helping out and being fed for their trouble.

Caz is a cook. She helps her daughter run a vegitarian outlet in town where, I might say, the Samosas are of the finest kind. Caz is a big, shy woman. She talks....goodness....just like Julie Birchill.

It is apparent Cas has had times when she´s felt broken by the hard nature of life in Andulcia when you´re an illegal. The very building of their property alone is an amazing feat of endurance. To have it so finshed (over 8 years) is impressive. The rest of the land aquired is showing signs of real management too. Its a wonderful legacy fo their grand-children if they can keep a hold on it.

Caz has been on a downer 0ver the last couple of years and has had to return to England in the winter because of the damp and strong winds. She works there as a cleaner ! Last night was an attempt by herself and her frineds to help further lift her out of the thing she´s been in for the past few months.

We had a delicious Salad and then a tajine with fish. All the vegitables grown by hand. To finish, an Apple Crumble done in a Spanish style called "Rustico"

Then, it turns out, Si could have been this bloke at one time and knows this bloke really well. So, when asked to play, you´ll understand I felt a tad threatened.

It went pretty well on the whole. I did about 35 tunes in the end. Si joined in on a wonderful Spainish Rock and Roll Guitar. He was particularly authentic on this tune. My fingers are just numb subsequently. At the end, after everyone had sung a song, I did a tune called "Rock and Roll Renegades" penned by Pip. I rocked it up a bit from the original and people thought they´d heard it before but, of course, they hadn´t. I felt like it was right to just say nothing.

I reflected, lying in bed this morning, that if I hadn´t had this outlet on here this week, to talk about whats happening in my life right now, I´d go barmy. Over days and weeks of thought I´ve accepted in my head that no matter what happens, no matter what pain I cause to people, I have to follow my heart. Its my life.

Being here has been really good. I´ve had some of the best experiences life can throw at you. Wonderful food, lovely company, excellent music, fun fun fun in fact. And people are interesting, lively and adventurous.

Underneath all this lies the idea that in order to make sense and value these experiences I need a passionate companion with which to share such treasures.

Amongst some of the songs I did are these. 1 2 3 4 5

And then... Si did this.

What a cool evening

JVIP

2007-07-09T04:46:00.001-07:00

There used to be this old rock n roll song that ended with the epihet "I´ve got blisters on my fingers!"

This man would say "That'd be right !" And I really have.

I´ve played a lot over the last few days. I´ve played for my supper, I´ve played for my soul and I´ve played for my life.

Oh Pip I miss you so !

And, never more than when I tried to play this and had the usual usless tears remembering the context in which I first heard this song.

Positively, since my last post, I´ve been to quite a few places. A bar dedicated to this model of Spain, still recognised as mainstream culture. I ate a slightly underdone pork-fillet in thyme and rosemary with some relish for a bear who has the Talmud in his bones.

Later, I went here and mixed with (what felt like) very clever and too smart people. Later still, and in need of a dose of reality I went here and listened to a girl on a guitar sounding a lot like this. The girl told me she has an album coming out in November. Now where have I heard that before ?

Later again, with dawn breaking, I played this quietly to myself, remembering how well my girl does this song.

Over this week, many people, nice, warm, friendly, decent people, have come up to and said, "When are you coming back?" and I look back at them and say "I´m not sure, I havn´t worked it out yet" They look at me like I´m not quite with it. So hard !

I´ve spoke with Luce and her strong, mountain of a man, Goliath with a real love in my voice. I´ve told her she´s lovely, I´ve told him to take care of her.

What more can I do ? What more can I do ?

Annoyingly, I missed the net cafe yesterday. It doesn´t open on a Sunday so I´ve held onto all my worries until today´s ritual out-pouring.

Today, the cafes´open again obviously and I´m sat here alone (siesta) in a room full of 20 computers. A girl sits at the desk, very bored indeedy.

Tonight, I´m adding more blisters to my fingers at a party along the coast at freinds. Inside myself, there is still, even here in bear paradise, a dull ache in my heart that lets me know I´m not yet fully alive without my girl.

Don´t be under any illusion Pip. The feelings I have for you are as real as feelings can be and, over the last few days, despite all the friends, the music, the refined social skills and my mediocre talent, I´ve felt like a spectator in my own life, alone and without a proper soulmate.

I don´t think thats how its meant to be....is it ?

JVIP

2007-07-07T03:29:00.000-07:00

So Far Away and no title. Spanish computer. Keboard different and cant get the cursor in the box.´No matter.

It´s Saturday Morning. I flew into Gibraltar on Thursday. Thumper is with me. The flight was the usual scarey mixture of complete calm and a crazy Levante landing. That´s when the wind blows in the wrong direction and "finals" are characterised by sickening lurches in height at about 200 ft above the Med; the airframe of the A310 shaking and the wings bending in sympathy.

The last couple of days have been characterised by me getting my breath back, removing damp from the flat and meeting with friends. In the background of this Pip is as large as life and twice as beautiful. One of her latest texts, sent on Thursday night said this

"I wish you a safe journey and return. I know you may have experienced me as cold and hard recently but I truely believe emotional distance is best for both of us at this time. If you decide we have a future together you will have consistent love and care and warmth from me. I just think it would make this time harder for you and put emotional pressure on you instead of giving you time to think properly. Listen to your inner wisdom, accept that you can´t avoid causing pain whatever you decide. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. It is part of being human. I love you truely and with all my heart. If you decide on a future with me, I will do nothing to make you regret it. If you decide against, I will understand too. I am under no illusion about the enormity of what you face. I am honoured and humbled you are going through this for me. I love you bear and want you to be happy and at peace x"

When I got this, you might imagine I was taken aback and had to hang onto my head for a bit. I was about to do some work with people so had to put the text on the Back Burner for a few hours.

Anyway, life moves on doesn´t it ? We´ve touched base by text and told each other of our love for one anther. How could I not love her when she says such things ?

Its funny being here. I wondered if I might have had some peace from the turmoil in my head. Particularly as I´ve had clear time away from work. So, whilst I´ve had lots to do thats kept me busy and (I´ve spent great time with Thumper´s dughter Luce), the nag-nag naggyness of my head-world remains exactly the same. In fact, truth to tell, the time to take action gets ever closer because I just can´t cope with the chatter anymore.

Since Thursay then, I´ve dehumidified, lost some washing on the roof, eaten well, got a bit stoned, drank lots of wine, put up some shelves, made the gas work, got the fridge going, been to a rocking party, met friends, learnt to play these two songs quite well, played this this and this in public, received accolades from.....er....fans and finally, have resolved again to move forwards.

I´m still shot away. I looked in the mirror this morning and this older person stared back at me. This time has taken its toil on me in a way. Subsequently, I may need to talk to this guy who seems to know what he´s talking about.

I´ll be back on here again soon. Pip, who is 2000 miles away, feels like she is right by my side when I hum this

Love to her always

JVIP

In the right measure

2007-07-04T03:38:00.000-07:00

Is a line from this song by Nick Lowe. Nick talks bluntly about feeling rejected. A girl who sits afar, somewhat imperiously, telling him she must be "Cruel to be kind"

Nick's quite a perceptive guy and a great Rocker. What he doesn't say, however, is the truth of it lies more here. Nick gets it partially right. She is being cruel to be kind and she is also being very understanding to me, kind to herself and, most importanly, kind to our truth and to our lives.

I love her so.

JVIP

Yesterday

2007-07-04T00:36:00.000-07:00

Was a living hell. People are noticing my decline into self-pity, depression and general apathy.

The noise in my head is just constant now.

As ever, as always, it seems, music is both my uplift and my downfall.

The Time..........0710

The Place..........Getting dressed for work at home

The Song...........This on HH

The Time..........0815

The Place..........My car, the M4, driving to work

The Song...........This on Talk Sport

The Time..........1320

The Place..........Brunel Shopping Plaza Swindon

The Song..........This on the PA

The Time..........1635

The Place..........Commercial Rd Swindon

The Song...........This from the open door of a hairdressers

The Time..........2154

The Place..........My Home. Sat watching television with BBB

The Song...........This

Pip's latest post talks about dignity. In my actions, I've tried unknowingly to rob her of this. Curiously, her post seems more robust, less brittle and has a new strength about it. Probably because she's been through turmoil before and knows about the dark side.

I spoke to my friend Julia about the subject. Julia (who works for this lot) says I should not be too hard on myself but learn my lessons and move forward in peace.

Willow (remember Willow ?) sent me a text last night that said "U know I am your friend. U know you must follow your heart. U of all people can live no other way"

She is right. I am that person. I need to just get on with things.

When I get back from here and have said, so sadly, a farewell to the lovely girl in Spain, we'll see how much dignity and courage I can muster.

JVIP

Hangin' on the telephone

2007-07-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

I talked to Pip tonight. We had spoken yesterday. I texted her after the Saturday night awfulness. I feel I'm just a selfish baby, using her in this way knowing how much she loves me.

Pip said "it's almost like you need to see my pain in order to re-assure yourself I love you"

I wanted to say " I've felt so lonely, So empty and crazy" But said something crap instead.

She has a powerful way with her. And yes, I wanted her to rescue me from my stupid self. The way men always use women. And she responded kindly and well. But at a distance. Then she almost cried and I thought "you're a wanker Mr Bear"

Once upon a time,during the war, Pip said to me this " Bear, You have met your Nemesis !"

Tonight, after our conversation, led by me, directed by me and needed by me, she sent me this text.

"Please don't contact me again until you have taken action or made an alternative decision. Like we agreed. I feel disrespected. I will be there for you in real need. You are not there yet. I love you x"

One kiss I thought was a bit stingy. But she is my Nemesis. She just is.

In my country we have a saying

"Those who talk the talk, need to walk the walk"

So Bears plod onwards and upwards with the thought in their heart that she is the first woman in my life who's made me feel like a child. And I value that. She really is special.

JVIP

As it happens guy's and gals

2007-07-01T05:51:00.000-07:00

It's top of the pops !

And here are a few of the contenders for expressing the ouvre' right now.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Love to you pretty girl. Nice to hear you.

JVIP

Coz' I need you by my side

2007-07-01T00:19:00.000-07:00

My few regular readers will need to indulge me today. I need to just say this.

Yesterday was shit. My miseries and chatter have returned with the arrival of the rain. I spent most of the day messing about on here and doing household chores a bit half-heartedly. I have a wealthy cache of both bizarre stories and video delight in store for you as a result. Here's a couple of examples.

But God.....I've felt displaced.

Last evening saw me in this neck of the woods at Thumper's sisters' house. It was a lovely evening for everyone. Thumper and Lindy Lou like to talk about the old times and things that have happened to them. Del boy and I smoke and drink wine making crap observations about living with people who think they are "Royalty" and coping with well-modulated accents

Anyway, it was one of those sorts of evenings when the women talked and talked about their past. In the background a radio played this sort of thing The conversation ebbed and flowed.

The wine was in my head and then......this came on the radio. I was overwhelmed and felt as close to tears as i get in public. The chatter continuing in front of me to which I felt, only now a spectator. And I thought about falling into a symphony. And I thought "please yes....rescue me....help....I need you now....I need you now"

People looked and asked "are you OK ?" I said "yes I'll be fine, I need some air" I went outside in the rain, debated sending a 999 text, but pulled myself back into shape because because because.

The evening went on and the talk was of children, families, past history, funny things that happened, who's well, who is not so well. A typical family evening by the river. And then this came on the radio. And I realized the fates are really against me. My life seemingly now playing itself out in a series of stupid head-space dramas plagued with triggers to dissonance and the subsequent emotional roller coaster.

Next Thursday I'm going here for one week, but not before I've pushed the first domino. Watch my space. The bear is going to be back with a better narrative. Something along these lines probably.

JVIP

BTW. Pip has an affinity with this lot. They are a bit gullible up there though ?

The Real Thing

2007-06-29T23:52:00.000-07:00

Its Saturday so HH isn't on.

The 6 o/clock alarm irritating me and introducing me to this guy here. Described as "sardonic" by someone on Wiks, I take the view that s/he's stretching the point a bit. Let's just say I don't really get Mo.

Anyway he puts this on.

Inevitably I'm off and running again. I described this phenomena of the music bringing a visceral and sharp focus to my day to Willow. She listened patiently !

I said I return, like clockwork, to murky pools of nagging despair when music kick-starts my dissonance again. The world in my head where nothing is safe and nothing is still, becoming a daily reality. As I say, she listened patiently.

If faced with someone like me, in my work, I'd say blandly, "stop running the video's then.....you must only be doing it because you get something out of it for yourself ? It's plain self-indulgence

Anyway......yesterday found me here. A simple 74 mile trip down the M4 from where I live. NNN lives here. Her two kids call boys like this "Townies" Boys of this type (that get into trouble) are the staple members of the Problem Solving programme I manage.

It was a straightforward and easy day writing and supervising. I went for a brief drink after work with a few colleagues here. The blurb is right, it is a "cultural oasis"

Late at night and alone, I watched this. A wonderful wonderful adventure of sheer cinematic brilliance. My colleague and (soon to be friend) "Big T" reminds me of The Dude and I intend, make no mistake, to tell him everything about myself. I get a sense in which he'll understand what's at stake and help me through it.

The first part of my conversation with Little M was on yesterday's post. The one that was lost by a simple wrong push of a button. When it happens, NNN will be there hopefully. It started like this; "I've got to tell you a story (NO NO NO !) about me" I'm not ill or anything, the kids are fine and all is ok.........but......I have a life changing thing happening to me and you need to know all about it. I hope I'll have your support to get me through this time"

What do you think ?

JVIP

PS. This morning to help us all see the point of Football I leave this here x

My Post today

2007-06-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

Just disappeared when I pushed the wrong button.. it was inventive and lively. Full of fun and pain. I've had a bad day and this blog reflected every little facet. Cept' it's gone now. So draw a line.

Anyway HH played WWW first thing. So, fair play to this guy. So......the day begins with a frontal assault of what used to called my emotional intelligence.

BTW, If anyone told me I was required to have fun, I'd turn into this guy and then probably do this

Ok. So emotional intelligence shot away by thinking about these words I went to work on my recalcitrant bike that SHOULD start like this ...cept it don't. So I took it to the shop along a traffic filled M4. Nightmare, because it runs like a bucket of bolts. And dangerous. Really! not that much.

The guy at the shop was really nice. Not too macho and not too matey either. He was like this guy.

I had a bastard day at work and I'm running out of steam to tell you. Just to say that I've been put in my place. (more later) but it made me think of this.

All over tonight now. I love you Pip. Hope you're ok. The photo says Toil is stupid BTW.

Love is all around us.

JVIP

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes

2007-06-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

Again, woke up to HH. That WWW song was on. So....fair play to this boy. So that was how my day started. A sickening lurch into what's left of my emotional intelligence. Note to self-try not to be a trainer like this.

Then, Motor Cycle to work. I don't know if people would realise, but a BMW 100 cs with a serious carb problem is not a funny business. See......this is how they should start. To get to the fixing shop, it took me 15 minutes of cranking on a high speed starter electric box. Then serious traffic. Revs jumping form nothing to 3000 in a heartbeat. Then vibration and a sticky thortle. Jesus! It's dangerous.

Nightmare journey to the shop, some 50 miles. Thames Valley traffic at its worst. But, at the espense of a small headache, I (the bear) prevailed.

The guy at the shop was just lovely. Not too macho and not too matey. Just blokey, which I like.

Anyway, my baby is there for a few days having stuff done. God, I've struggled with that bike. Done everything to try and make it run right but failed through lack of courage, energy and sheer will. Time was, before middle age, when I would had the thing apart and fixed it through bear hutzpah. Now, I'm reduced to being a fiddly faddly wuss. Or so my inner "boy" tell's me.

Work was bloody hateful today. I've had my wings clipped. Not, you understand, by failure. Oh no ! by an organisation who suddenly realises that a bear at my grade is not a sufficiently wieghty person to hold a "strategic" view. Truth is, I've exposed them. And in doing so have weakened my power.

The main stuff I've been doing for the last six months has been taken from my hands and pit into the paws of someone two grades higher than me. So, I've been batting above my league, and in order for the PTB to get a good mark from the auditors, they need to demonstrate a committment to MY subjct.

I thought of this and played Ronnie Corbett real well.

Other news is that I've worked out the first bit of the conversation with little M. I'd welcome your views.

It goes like this. NNN will be there hopefully.

"I've got some stuff to tell you thats important to me. ......don't worry, I'm not ill or anything"

I've got a story to tell you about me. ( NO NO NO not like that........like this)

Anyway....yes, That's how I thought I'd start. Some more tomorrow hopefully.

I've had a bloody headache all day. Bad bikes, bad job and a bad train ride (yes train ride) home has left me exhausted. And, I worked till 10 last night, trying to turn brutal bastards into loving bears. And goodness how I love and miss that girl. Hope she's ok.

JVIP

You know I love you,
I always will
My mind's made up by the Way that I feel
There's no beginning,
There'll be no end'
cause on my love you can depend

Stand up ! Stand up for your rights !

2007-06-27T06:20:00.000-07:00

Today has found me doing just that. In front of this lot actually.When I say stand up, I mean presenting a one hour Talk on the subject close to my heart, Domestic Violence. I did it with a woman who fulfils the role of advocate for women in my County.

It's a tough job and one that requires a deal of diplomacy, concentration and good judgement.

The presentation went well. Feedback suggested, hard hitting and gritty. Just what I intended.

Tonight will find me standing up again in front of the men who do this stuff. The work makes me question myself and my own sense of moral compass. How can, on the one hand, I pontificate about abuse and find it in my heart to live with one and love another ? It's not a question easily answered is it ?

Other news is that Thumper had a huge business meeting last night to investigate whether her secret idea for making money had legs. Interestingly, she came away from her "stand-up" with an offer of an, in excess of 20 grand, from a business guy to get the idea running.

It's a web based idea and has the capacity to make her a very rich woman. I wish her well with it but my heart's not in it. Business leaves me just cold !

I'm a man of the left I guess.

Hateful harridan played this, this morning. Again....it's always the music that brings me up short. In this case, I believe a song that Pip and I really should sing together before we die.

More soon

JVIP

Cheekbones like geometry, eyes like sin.

2007-06-26T14:10:00.000-07:00

Which is how I think about the pretty girl with Perfect Skin that is Pip.

There's a pub in the town where I live called the Tut n' Shive. When Beep Be Beep and his Sister were young, I used to chide them about this and say they'd never find out what it meant. I used to pretend I knew, but actually didn't.

Tonight, the boy wonder came back from work, full-blown triumph in his eyes, 25 years of age and Say's " Right dad.....pen and paper now.....write down what Tut and Shive means....because I know"

Cornered and flummoxed, I had to admit, in the words of Manuel, "I know nothing"

The lad triumphed and described this and then.....bizarrely....told me about this and this and....goodness.....this ........he's a weird boy.

In another world, I'm predicting that Pip....remember Pip ?...... is fast on her way to becoming a DIY-ER. With that in mind I present her with this as a gift from Google. Once looking at that, I saw this to.

Today has been bloody manic. And I've been in two meetings (plus other stuff) with a man with no sense of my creative powers.

I've been asked to run a Conference for my organisation in November. The spooks asked me because I'm supposed to be an "ideas" man. Belbin confirms this.

I'm not, however, a completer-finisher. So, as Pip will confirm, far from perfect as a mover and a shaker. Strictly grass roots me.

The meetings were tricky but I think the Conference is going to fun fun fun because I held out for my ideas and people were carried along with my silly enthusiasm. Imagine, 160 suits actually getting engaged in live theatre, cus that's what it's gonna be. Rock and Roll !

I feel lighter today for some reason. My guess is because I've done some thinking about how to talk about my situation with "Little M".... my Mother.

Over the next few days I'm going to put this conversation on here and ask for comment. I hope someone might respond and share this weight on my shoulders.

JVIP

There's a little black train a comin'

2007-06-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

Is a song by the wonderful Woody Guthrie. Compellingly, it talks of the relationship between a man and his conscience. And, importantly, the word of God.

Studies on the net tell me this song goes back way beyond Woody and into a world of slavery and depression some 90 years before. This song, rather surprisingly, is not available on the net as far as Google tells me anyway.

When Woody does it, he uses this tumblin ramblin style of picking so loved by early blue grass musicians.

When I first picked up a guitar this was the first tune I learnt. Pip does a version of this song. Shes does it well. Woody drove Bobby. Woody is my idol now.

Anyway, I awoke this morning to the sound of this hateful harridan This morning's contribution to the debate on human kind was to state quite clearly that the "rowdy" element that so infects Ascot these day's is..........beyond the pale .

Put simply, the girl needs a year off. Last week's contribution by Clare someone was really quite a treat in comparison.

In the car and straight into Mike Parry who has the nick name "Porky" Today, he was on with Alan Brazil He's the fat one at the interview in the end. Alan is a quality broadcaster. Mike is a "Fat Tube".

Looking at Alan in these clips, I'll be surprised if he's still alive in 5 years.

At work, a day compiling stuff to make me look clever and then home and writing this.

In the main part of my head I'm still in complete admiration for Pip, who, apparently, played her first gig on Saturday. I love her with all my heart. I also Love this. Complicated world my head.

Onwards and upwards to heaven. Hmmmm ? I must try to avoid that little black train ?

JVIP

Say it's not so ?

2007-06-24T00:26:00.000-07:00

When we parted for a while, Pip sent me this text

"This will be my last text to you for some time. When you leave here today, you take a piece of my heart with you. Care for it well. I will always love you. During the difficult days ahead my spirit will be at your side. Take care. Be happy. Find peace x x x."

I responded with

"Always remember I love you"

I read these over yesterday and had thoughts about it.

I can feel her heart so close to me. I am caring for it well. I hope against hope She'll always love me. These are difficult days. Very difficult days. I feel her free spirit. I'm not happy yet. I am not at peace and hope I shall find it. If I don't I fear for me and my ego-centric head.

Today has found me here and listening to this. What an appropriate tune ?

I've had my perceptions challenged. I love music, but was not prepared for the artistry and musicianship on display at Tooting. I'm a 50's boy so old time Organs have always been put to one side because of him

Also, goodness ! Theatre Organs are another area of sociological interest in England, seemingly dominated by gay men: this old gothic people's palace absolutely crammed to the rafters with village people.

The finale was wonderful, A medley of Irvin Berlin tunes culminating in this which was sad too.

Later, with friends and Thumper went here. The food was lovely I have to say.

Friend "Ms Cheese" behaved badly thoughout and I made a mental note to myself to try NOT to get dragged into eating alongside her again.

She just takes over the whole thing and makes life very uncomfortable for everyone including her partner (and my good friend) Andy.

I'm home now and have watched Shirley, at Glastonbury. And have discovered this lot A band from the North East who I just think are complete Rock and Roll.

Mostly today I really have been concentrating on being Socratic and not looking miserable in front of friends.

I'm moving from Comtemplation into Planning

I have undertaken countless Conversation Rehersals that will increase my Social Support and move from planning a conversation I need to have into actually having it.

The recipient is (of course) my Mum. She's 82 and sprightly. I simply cannot guage her reaction and must get this right if for nothing else than to say "here is your stupid son who has the biggest crisis of his life going on....help him please to be happy and support him and his choices"

In the words of Lou and Andy. "What a kufuffle!"

JVIP

I came upon a child of God, he was walking along the road....

2007-06-22T23:51:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning at 7.30 finds me sat at my computer as usual. Since time began, Saturday mornings have been the special period when Pip and I get together on MSN and do the following:

Take the Piss

Banter

Argue

Try out new Ideas

Provoke

Support

Plan

Engage

Groom

Love and

Make it up as we go along

Now, I'm sat here alone writing this. I feel sad, unbelievably sad, but recognise the necessity of this for us to move forward in our lives.

So it's Glastonbury this weekend. I remember very well taking both my children (and friends) to the event in about 2001 and then picking them up some 4 days later. Whilst unscathed by the experience, they still looked like they had come back from here.

Last evening saw me sitting in my living room watching this lot on the telly until about 2pm.

Just earlier I'd had a short text from Beep Be Beep to say he was staying over at one of his girlfriends'. Work at the cocktail bar having been "Hellish".

I like the Arctic Monkeys I think. They remind me of mixture between this lot and this lot.

I think they have a really odd guitar sound that suggests to me they didn't learn on the same songs as most people.

Most Kids these days I reckon probably learn stuff like this or this when they start. The Monkeys may be different and, when 12 or 13, maybe learnt to play this

Anyway, today finds me at a loss. it's been the hardest week I can remember for a very long time in my life. My head is exploding, my tired old body can hardly get me around and I'm running out of steam. Even work seems flat and uninteresting. I've had tears which just pisses me off. Such a wuss

I'm supposed to be going out to lunch today after a morning of doing this. Tomorrow I'm going to see something like this.......... here I'm meeting with friends and they will keep me at the best I can be at the moment.

Outwardly, life goes on. And I hope against hope the Girl from the West is ok.

When I live my life again, I'll be doing this and loving it !

JVIP

London calling to the faraway towns

2007-06-21T12:28:00.000-07:00

I've been up to London. Not, on this occasion, to visit The Queen. More serious I'm afraid.

In my job I work, predominantly, with men who abuse their women partners. I also manage people who do the same task. My day in the capital was a Conference designed to give people who do my job, at my level, the opportunity to talk about the 5 W's.

It's unfortunate, therefore, that all such initiatives, run by the centre, are fraught with the difficulties of trying to moderate the policies of our political leaders that so affect private individuals.

The other thing for an "older" Bear is I'm confronted continually by younger and more energetic individuals "making their mark" so to speak.

It's a tricky old thing and calls for a degree of diplomacy I scarcely know I possess.

In my head, Pip looms large. She's there on a (more or less) continual basis. Her fine way of being. her generous nature, her capacity to guide me through difficult waters and, of course, her lovely lovely self hood.

She's an amazing woman is Pip. She comes from a family of amazing people. Not really people I understand very well.

Her Father, a strong, capable and closed-down individual who loves his daughter with such an unspoken passion. He looks out for her always. Pip becomes frustrated by (what she sees as) his interference and (what she sees as) conditional love. He's unwell and has been debilitated by serious illness. When I get to hear about him I feel like it's a story about someone from my childhood. Values strong, he treads through life with the broken strength of a wounded animal. Too late to change his ways, he finds the modern world a frustrating and nihilistic place to live.

He is scrupulously honest in his values yet unbending in his mistaken beliefs.

Pip's Mother is another person worn down with feeling unwell a lot of the time. She's kind and warm to a fault and had a successful career as a head teacher. Now, she seems over-shadowed by her Husband whose strength of values and beliefs, dominate their life together. She too loves Pip very much and the relationship between Pip and her Mother is a strong one. It is mainly characterised by the dynamics of the relationship between two women and a man they share. Interesting.

Anyway, Pip has been in my head all day, despite my trip to London. Since I got in last night, there hasn't been more than a couple of minutes where that Girl from the West has not been banging away inside my temples saying "When ? When ? When ?"

Peace be on my head please for I think I'm going crazy. Readers of this (very few) will say "It's about time you sorted yourself out Bear" I tend to agree and have decided i really must do so.

Over the next few weeks I'm gonna study very hard the work of Prochaska and Declemente and see if I can't move forward into preparation. The study suggests anyone working therapeutically with the "patient" should do the following:

1.Identify and assist in problem solving re: obstacles
2. Help patient identify social support
3. Verify that patient has underlying skills for behavior change
4. Encourage small initial steps

One unfortunate thing is that I have no therapist cept for a few friends and will have to adopt a much more Socratic approach of healing myself. This, undoubtedly is what Pip hopes for. I will not fail her in this and will, like her Father, be scrupulously honest with her. One-nil by the way.

Oh, I've done the obstacles to death. There are many of them.

Social support. I have it partially. It may, however, rest with People I know very little about. I have work people who are ok. But my family. I don't think I can count on them to understand. I tried with No-Nonsense Nick some months ago to no good effect really. We have not talked about "it" since.

Identifying underlying skills for behavioural change. Hmmmm. It's a cinch probably.

Bears, however, are hard to turn around. The secret (of course) is learning that life is a classroom. All things change don't they ?

Encourage small steps. I have taken a few of them. The rest are of the "fuck-off" variety. Parachutes will be necessary. I hope, in the circumstances of a sky-diving fall Pip will provide parachutes, secondary parachutes and a "fuck-off" safety net that protects my bones from the cold hard ground.

Finally, I guess this sort of thing concentrates my mind. As ever, its all in the music with me.

Keep the faith everyone

JVIP

One day away from your arms

2007-06-20T00:54:00.000-07:00

Pip and I are having, what is called in polite circles, a chance to reflect. In reality what it is.......is that she's unable to live her life around such hapless paralysis and needs to feel a sense of narrative again. So then.....a chance to reflect.

I left work last night and thought" this is where the journey of loneliness begins" I drove home in silence. The radio, on initially, grated and intruded. There was a heavy thunder storm on the M4. The rain beating on my little Skoda so hard.

On arrival at home I was met with Thumper and Beep Be Beep clearing a space on the kitchen table for shopping. Thumper had just fallen full on her back in the hall. Devastating combination of wet feet, shiny floors and flip flops. All was well however and a bruise on the leg was the only result.

My evening went past slowly. I played my guitar. I had the usual senseless tears. I watched Godfather 2 on some distant Satellite Channel. I went to bed at 12.30 and slept. Mercifully.

Despite being surrounded by people, my evening was spent in an emotionally miserable isolation.

Twice yesterday, people came up to me and said "Is there anything wrong?" I replied "No, not really ...just busy and tired is all"

I woke this morning and thought of Pip. No longer is my mobile next to my bed waiting for her cheery "good morning little bear"

The radio flicked on at 7. Third song out the box was this and tears came to my eyes again.

Later in the morning before going to work my friend Tom sent me a compilation of videos. This being one example.

Bears have to get stronger and wiser than this !

JVIP

Its a lonely little planet made of dust and dirt

2007-06-13T01:43:00.000-07:00

Pip has had enough ! She's had enough of playing by my rules. Now she's living by the rules of life.

The rules of life say the following

Sing every day
Sing loud
Play her guitar everyday
Play it loud
Love those around you
Have people to supper
Be a radiator not a drain
Put her heart into things
Poke a bear with a stick everyday
Protect her sanity at all costs
Be honest
Put cream on her leg
Eat well
Remember to feed her cat
Grow Plants
Ride her motorbike
Drive carefully
Avoid speeding tickets
Keep smiling
Talk to her friends
Buy the latest Harry Potter
Trust the bear

JVIP

The sun ain't gonna shine any more

2007-06-08T13:53:00.000-07:00

Is how Pip is feeling.

The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky
The tears are always there in your eye
When you're without love.

and maybe it feels like that for her? Without love. and without her man to be there for her.

In my life

It feels like I have love. So it's different for me. I have her love.

The girl shows this with every action and every thing she says and does. Nothing could detract from her deep sense of love for the bear.

The bear feels full of love subsequently.

He has this mantra going through his head all the time. "I must do better....I must do better"

When my girl is sad.......I feel torn apart and want to make it better for her. "I must do better" I feel.

I will. I will.

JVIP

My baby she wrote me a letter

2007-05-28T02:53:00.000-07:00

It's the Bank Holiday. Pip has now moved house. I supported her with this this. It was a wonderfully collaborative and emotional operation. I was very stiff afterwards. I'm seeing her later today for a few days. I just can't wait.

I have a friend called Pee Wee. Because it's wet and cold, I sent him this e mail.

"Its very wet and cold. Its the bank holiday and I know you'll be busy. However, I thought I'd send you these and hope you enjoy them

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kjSVziFzhA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhDEQa0AfR4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKG93i5ISmc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTVay_pF7qA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSWfArGITto

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONe94P2c6YM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAWq3A3kD1I

and a couple of web sites I've visited and used to watch TV on.

http://www.alluc.org/alluc/tv-shows.html

http://www.tv-links.co.uk/

And maybe you'll find some interesting pictures on here

http://www.francisfrith.com/search

Love JVIP"

I close my eyes....and count to ten

2007-05-22T11:43:00.000-07:00

Today I interviewed a Man who has systematically brutalised his Woman over some considerable time. His levels of denial regarding this were very high.

Interestingly, it is a a very human character trait to do this. Think about it. If you've done something wrong, and you have some sort of moral reasoning, isn't it likely you'd be saying things like "she pushed me to the limit", or more compellingly, "She should know how far she can push me"

For those men who may come across this little blog on your travels, think about this idea

There are two ways to think about engaging with your Woman in a relationship. The first one is this

Her Behaviour
My Feelings

IE "You're pissing me off....stop it"

The second is this

My Behaviour
Her Feelings

IE "What can I do to make life better for this Woman"

Obviously we get the point I hope. One way is a straight guaranteed path to violence, the other, a way to peaceful and loving co-existence.

Goodness....the people I meet in my life. Here's good example of the modern, "justice for me" type of banker I get to see in my work. Here's another set of cocks who just need a little slap around the legs. Oppressive men seem to be just everywhere sometimes.

In another world, Pip has a huge cold sore. She isn't well. She feels unhappy and miserable. She is about to embark on a big journey of Independence and self hood. She says she feels scared and vulnerable. I love her.

I'm going to do my best, over the next few days to make sure I think about her feelings and my behaviour.

And practise what I preach.............Whilst remaining sexy hopefully.

A difficult task for a bear.

JVIP

The old rugged cross

2007-05-15T02:31:00.000-07:00

I'm having a funny five minutes. I've started following everything George Galloway does and says.

You can find more about him here

Whenever I see or hear him, and I can get past this, I think of stuff you can sing and hear.......er......... here

George, I believe is an amazing man. He does stand up and say things others feel scared about.

He is an appalling self-publicist, he is loud, aggressive and adores his football.

I think Pip thinks he's a bit common although I can't be sure.

Whenever I mention him to others, people remember Rula and don't remember this

Anyway, George is man of the year for me so far........what about you ?

JVIP

You put your left leg in........

2007-05-09T01:36:00.000-07:00

This for the heart

Pip. It's been a long few days for you. I know this so well. You're very special in my heart. I love you.

This for the funny bone

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, along with the craziness of the election season, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started."

This for the brain

THE hokey cokey, the popular dance, has always been seen as an innocent, if raucous, form of entertainment. But, it would seem, an Anglican clergyman has now discovered a more sinister side:

it originated as a parody of the Roman Catholic Church's Latin Mass.

Canon George Nairn-Briggs, Provost of Wakefield Cathedral, West Yorkshire,says that both the name of the dance and its actions were originally designed to satirise the traditional Mass and the clergy.

The dance involves participants forming a chain and flinging their limbs about in line with commands.

Canon Nairn-Briggs said: "In the days when the priest celebrated the Mass

with his back to the people and whispered the Latin words of consecration with many hand movements, the laity mimicked the movements as they saw them and the words as they misheard them.

" The words "hokey cokey" were a mishearing, or a deliberate parody, of the Latin phrase "Hoc est enim corpusmeum", which translates as "This is my body".

Canon Nairn-Briggs also contends that another corruption of the same phrase is "hocus pocus", the words believed to be used by magicians when they were casting spells.

Historical sources appear to back up his theories. The Hokey Cokey became a popular dance in 1940s America and crossed the Atlantic with US soldiers.But its origins are much older and it seems to have gained popularity originally on this side of the Atlantic, before being taken to the US by refugees.

An earlier folk dance version was performed in mainland Europe in the 19th century.The Oxford English Dictionary says that "hokey cokey" comes from "hocuspocus", the traditional magicians' incantation that derives from a Latin phrase used in satanic masses, themselves parodies of the Latin Mass.

And this for the bedroom

Hope this helps

Love

JVIP

early in the morning, just as day is dawning

2007-05-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

I've been away for a while. In the time since I last confessed, my life is in even more turmoil. I spent many nights with Pip. She is adorable. I'm home with Thumper again now. She understands I'm in great pain I think. I must address this matter soon. Its not fair to anyone including me.

Pip has to give an important speech to important people soon. She is a very busy woman and has spent far too much time attending to my needs. She is my comfort blanket.

Pip is still a bit unsure what to say in her speech.

Because I am a braggart and think I'm articulate, I said to Pip I'd write her a short speech and post it on here. She could make of it what she will. I would not (mostly truthfully) take offence at wholesale rejection.

Here is the result

"Good Morning. My Name is (insert your name here) and I’m the CEO of (insert organisation here)

I’ve come along today, to pledge my support to the campaign to keep our Post Offices open.

As a person who works, predominantly, with older people in our communities, I feel it is important to speak out about this issue, in the hope, that if enough people get together. Government Opinion will change.

In order to talk to you briefly today, I should share a confidence with you.

I’m an Internet Woman ! (Pause for a slight laugh. Timing is important here)

Here’s a quote from the Post Offices’ own web-site

“A local post office does more than provide a friendly and accessible service for its customers.”

I could not agree more !

There is a very long list somewhere of what our Post Offices’ provide in the community; but listen for a moment to what the National Audit Office said about these closures.

“More should be done to help post offices become self-sufficient"

The Audit Office goes on to say

“There could be more closures in the future if business volumes continue to fall. One of the big problems is that business drops by 20 per cent in the immediate aftermath of a branch closure”

From my perspective of caring for the needs of older people in our community, I would put forward the idea that a very significant proportion of Post Office business comes from older people.

And here’s the point.

I believe it makes hard sense in business, that a community who feels cared for, thought about and included, is a community that thrives, spends money, organises it’s own life and remains properly independent for longer.

Local Post Offices, as we know, form a vital and important link to the outside world for people who are sometimes less mobile and restricted in where they can go.

Post offices, like pharmacists, are key to the vitality of locations which are often far removed from the nearest high street.

My concern is, that when a Post Office closes, other shop’s follow. This then results in less choice for local people and, for those with the least mobility, an increased sense of isolation.

The more negative results of this are all too apparent for all of us who work alongside older people in keeping their lives dignified independent and sociable.

In conclusion then,

I believe the Government must show a wider understanding of this issue and listen to the words of a clever man called Albert Einstein. (And I can think of no better way to put this)

Albert Einstein said

“Not everything that counts can be counted.”

It is an important lesson for us all.

Thank you"

JVIP

EE-aye addio....we've won the cup !

2007-04-25T01:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sad to say Alan Ball has died at the age of 61.

As a boy of 16, not much into football then, I didn't realise the huge contribution Alan Ball, and ten other men, gave to British culture.

A team governed by a huge dictator of a man with "issues" A team made up of personalities mostly, a few shyer men and at least five world class players*. Alan Ball scrapes into position six in terms of his rating at the time, I would say.

Alan always seemed to me to be a man who "belonged" He belonged to Britain. He belonged to 60's culture. He belonged to sporting excellence and he belonged to both straightforward decency and simple honour.

On the radio, it says he was watching, perhaps, one of the finest football matches ever seen in modern British history. And then........expired of a heart attack.

In 1982 Alan's father was killed in terrible car smash in Cyprus.

Sadly, Alan's wife died some 3 years ago with Ovarian Cancer and, it would seem, his daughter was diagnosed with the same thing.

In 2005 Alan sold his World Cup Medal for about 150 thousand pounds to raise money for his family.

In my estimation, what a sad old tale that maybe says something about those public issues that seem to affect our private troubles.

I started watching football as a result of England's World Cup victory and have stuck with it since in a small way until quite recently.

Pip is in my life now and with her growing interest, a spark has blown into a fire of growing passion and I just feel it these days

It would be true to say I organised my head about my relationship with football in talking with Pip. I rather grandly talked about the sociology of football and how it is a metaphor for life. This thought made me ponder more on this thing about sport, and how some of us relate to it.

I have high expectations of it. And expect it to behave honourably. Its governed hugely by money money money. And I go along with this capitalist milch cow because it's football and football is a passion. But don't expect me to condone a system that seems to let down ordinary decent people.

The whole nature of football has changed so much, in so many ways, over the last 30 years.

Today, I feel sure there are many more casualties of the rigorous and fiercely competitive world of the British Premiership. The biggest and best world league by common consent. Certainly, the Premiership is capitalism's victory over the nation state, in the shape of the lamentable and poorly led current English Team.

War baby Alan now seems a reluctant hero compared to our modern boys.

War-baby Alan turn out a traditional, self-effacing man who did not push himself on others. Isn't it a pity that we, you and me, did not see fit to keep such men in our hearts and value them as heroes should be valued ?

Many people have come to talk about him on the radio this morning. We should maybe have talked about him more, before today.

JVIP

*Bobby Charlton, Gordon Banks, Bobby Moore and Geoff Hurst. Our fifth did not play on the day but could be thought greater, in some ways, than the others.....Jimmy Greaves.

He's dangerous......just dangerous......!

2007-04-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

Paolo Maldini

is widely regarded as the best defender of his era and one of the greatest defenders of all time, maybe only excelled by Franz Beckenbauer.

Throughout his long career, he has remained a one club man with A.C. Milan, where he holds the current captaincy, and has made the most appearances for the club

He is well known for his influential captaincy, ice-cool temperament, well timed attacking runs, outstanding headers, his outstanding ability to play with both feet and flawless defending.

Approaching 40 years of age, he is still playing at the very highest level.
Mr Maldini is plagued with knee joint problems now and (seemingly) keeps going as a result of his huge passion for the game. His style of football is redolent of Roy Keane and Bobby Moore. He is giant of play-making football.
Tonight, Mr Maldini meets Christiano Ronaldo.

Mr Ronaldo.

Is 22 and has had a remarkable 2006/2007 season seeing him win the twin titles of PFA Player of the year and PFA Young Player of the Year Awards this month. Ronaldo is an amazing player of huge talent whom I liken to George Best in his hey day.

In addition to winning the two awards (an accomplishment that has only been matched once) Ronaldo was also named a member of the PFA Premiership Team of the Year, alongside seven of his fellow Manchester United teammates.

The JVIP

Is 56, he’s a little (only a little) over-weight and likes to take things quite casually and carefully. He has two paces. Slow and super-slow.

His brain, has two speeds too. Sharp and super-sharp.

You’ll get the point that he tries, in his silly old way, to outwit people that are quicker than him.

Turning him around to do other things is tricky, however, and rather like manouvering a super-tanker.

People who know him really well liken his behaviour to a big old bear who likes to do what he likes to do and........ everybody......... do it in the time he likes to do it in.

You’ll gather he won’t be rushed. He lives life with a passion.

The Pipster

is 12 years JVIP’s junior. She is a fit, active, clever, brilliant, gorgeous Jack in the Box of a Woman.

She heads up a sizeable charitable organisation and is, in her own way, “important”. She runs, she jumps, she rides a good motor cycle, she plays guitar and sings songs.

She shows an outrageous desire and heat for both intimacy and bedtime behaviour.

She loves life with a passion.

Beginning on this Thursday night. JVIP and Pip are spending some serious time together in what promises to be a great match. Passion, endurance and supreem communication skills are the order of the day.

I’d be interested to know (in advance) what I think the score might be ? I can't work it out though. Who will end up....... "it" ?

What I do know is, I'm looking forward to this tussle.

In other news, I predict Man Utd may come unstuck tonight and, although I pray things will go well for them despite major injury to their defenses, I fear the older and wiser side could prevail despite their bad knees and lack of mobility but devastating tactics. Passion from Old Trafford may win out however.

A Metaphor here ? I couldn't possibly comment.

Love life and love the journey through it is what i say.

JVIP

After the ball was over

2007-04-20T23:45:00.000-07:00

There's been much energy dissipated over the appointment of Jacqui Oatley as a football commentator. For those not aware, she's a 5 live presenter at the moment who, I must say, strikes me as a girl who likes her football.

Commentating is a fine art and an appointment of anyone new to the business is a huge source of interest amongst football fans. Comments have been mixed as you might expect. From the down-right rude, through patronising to the "hope she does well" variety.

Thing is, as a commentator, you're always on the edge of Jonathan Ross world. That is, stream of consciousness thinking.

One of the things I try to teach to the men in my work is NOT, "have the thought, say the thing"

Rather, "Have the thought.......... consider the thought.............. ask yourself the question.......... do I need to modify the thought?....... if so what am i going to modify it with?......... "ah, I know, this one" ..........then say the thing.

So, its a complicated old business. How do you get so close to the edge of what your brain is telling you to say and letting yourself flow effectively?

With some difficulty, is the answer. And readers, that is why, some sports commentators either develop an over-stylised way of presenting the action to keep themselves safe, or, as in the case of many, come over like complete twats.

I have lovings and loathings in the world of sports commentary of course and I can say, quite safely, they are a big source of interest to me as a man who stands up and talks for a living.

Pip sometimes looks at me askance when I tell her very passionately, I can't stand him, or that I think she's a silly cow. But yes, sports commentary is an important business.

JVIP's Hall of Fame and Shame

Jonathan Pearce.........................................very wonderful

Alan Parry...................................................very very very wonderful

Martin Tyler...............................................very very very very wonderful

Andy Gray...................................................very very wonderful

Brian Jonston..............................................very very very very wonderful

John Arlott...................................................very very very very wonderful

Geoff Boycott...............................................very very very wonderful

Richie Benaud..............................................very very very wonderful

Brian Moore.................................................very very wonderful

Alan Green.................................................. Not very good

Ian Abrahams..............................................Not too bad

Graham Beecroft........................................Alan Partridge

And then there is "Motty"

who by common consent is simply dreadful on a huge huge huge scale. The BBC have lost thousands of viewers as a result of keeping hold of this buffoon of a man.

I simply cannot watch football with Motty on. Endless anorak schoolboy statistics, interspersed with blaming and shaming remarks, crass, very "little englander" comments about the play and all round fuckwittery of the highest kind.

So he's not on my Christmas card list and should (note i said should) be banned from broadcasting.

Jacqui Oatley will be a welcome face on the telly to me. My feeling is that the advice to all commentators as given by the great Richie Benaud (as the first law of TV commentary) is so important here

"The fewer words, the better"

So on that note

Good luck with it mate !

JVIP

The long and winding road.........

2007-04-18T02:32:00.000-07:00

This is my day today so far

Text Pip

Get up

Make Coffee for Thumper

Do paperwork on Computer

Say goodbye to Thumper

Talk to Pip

Read Pip's Blogs

Respond to Pip's blogs

Text Pip

Write own Blog

This is what May Happen today

I will shower.

I will make Brunch

I will drive to work and listen to Talk Sport (John Gaunt show) Awful dreadful rabble rousing man of some feral intelligence touched by the faintest whiff of something not quite nice.

He's not my brand of English anyway. That appears in the picture above. That's where I come from.

Maybe catch a bit of Hawksbee and Jacobs if I'm really lucky. Such a cool show ! Funny, clever, witty, ladish, compassionate, respectful and on the money for me.

Then work. Computer and phones till 4.

Meet colleague and plan session for tonight. Colleague a 26 year old good looking woman who is going places in my organisation big-style. Very supportive and lively co-worker who I learn something about every time I meet her. Amazing at her job. Eager to learn and teach the men.

Eat tea. probably a Chinese thing because I'm away from home and hate cooking at work. Nothing is clean and it's just too difficult mostly.

Deliver group work programme when the men get in at 7.

2 and a half hours of the following

Leading, supporting, mentoring, bullying,loving, hating, delivering, walking, talking, making flamboyant gestures, acting, pleading, expression both praise and condemnation.

Clear up. Talk to colleague about issues of night.

Walk her to her car

Walk to my car, Drive home. Talk Sport again.It'll be the end of a football show probably with Ray Houghton and Gabrielle Marcotti both are really competent and knowledgeable men and know their subject really well. Sometimes they are joined by Jason Cundy who, somehow I don't care for. Finally and magnificently, you have Kelly Dalglish who, despite her very short biography on wikipeadia, is a woman of some football stature these days.

Talk to Pip. Tell her about my day. She will tell me about her day. We exchange everything on the phone. We are getting good at doing it together. Most factual information I get from Pip is on the phone. Her presence makes getting facts difficult because my mind is always so full when I'm with her. She's a huge influence on the way I think now. We will also talk about blogs and football. She's taken on both Fan-dom and Fem-dom very seriously indeed. A compelling mixture. As she is with everything else really.

Get home. Thumper may be up. We will say hi. Be Bee beep is here at the moment so talk will be light and bright.

I'll feel exhausted because of the group. I will drink a glass of milk maybe and maybe have cereal. Grape Nuts probably. I might, or might not, have a glass of scotch.

Text Pip and say I love her

Go to sleep

JVIP

Communication Breakdown....always the same

2007-04-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been 4 days since my last confession

And confession it is. So much to talk about and yet so little time in which to concentrate.

So, despite the title, this is about food again. You'll understand at the end.

Two quick stories before my denumon

Story one

In another life, many years ago and in another world, a woman I knew really well told me a childhood tale. Imagine the scene, in a car, on the way to the seaside. Mum and Dad in the front, kids (2) in the back.

Daughter to Father. "Daaaaaad.......please don't make so much noise, eating those crisps!"

Mother to Daughter " he's not eating crisps darling, it's a tomato"

Story Two

The well known DJ and genuinely wonderful Radio Host Danny Baker talks about the ex husband of Lisa Minneli, David Guest in these terms.

"I was sat in this restaurant and David was at a table close to me. I became aware of a clucking noise coming from the close by table. I realised suddenly the noise I was hearing emanated from the mouth of David Guest (ex husband of Lisa Minelli)"

On Danny's show David, therefore, is known invariably as "Cluck Cluck"

The denumon

You'll appreciate Pip and I don't live together and quite a bit of our communication (there's the clue) takes place on the phone. The final part of today's offering, therefore, takes the following title and descends into darkness.

Things Pip eats when she's on the phone to me

Macaroni Cheese

Boiled Egg

Mashed Potato

Broccoli

Cow Cheese

Goat's Butter

Toast

Banana Custard

Crumpets

Goat's cheese

Galaxy Fruit and Nut

Nuts

Raisins

Sweets

Chewing Gum

Chocolate Pudding

Smoked haddock

Pasta

Salad

Tomatoes!

and

After Eights.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking....."that's a busy little mouth."

I'd say,

"Fair play to you love"

But it is well funny

JVIP